Jeez, I can't believe I haven't written anything since Father's Day. This year has brought two birthdays. Tot turned 5, and S. turned 8. They are now in grades kindergarten and 2ND. Now I officially have no babies. Tot, 5
S, 8
Luckily, our kinder. is half-day only.
I'm ready to do something for me, and I'm not talking about a massage or gym membership. I want to work at something I love. I just don't know what that is. I tell myself I could volunteer somewhere next year somewhere since my kids will be all day. Maybe it'd even lead to a job. Then I see my boys' faces when they're getting off the bus, and I think to myself 'how can I not be there?'
I've taught all my adult life, and even though I loved the kids and creativity, and hell, yes the schedule, I don't see myself in education. It's not the schools we remember. I often said if it were just me and the kids I'd go back ASAP. But it's not. It's mainly difficult parents and an administration who does not back up their teacher in any way. It's full-inclusion not mainstreaming where children with disabilities go to the regular ed. subjects they do well in, even if it's just PE. etc. It may mean a child who does well in math, that child will go to the reg. ed. room where he can best be served. Full-inclusion means everything, everyone. Every child even one with severe behavior problems, are put into the everyday classroom even if this ends up being bad for the class. (I had that dynamic in my classroom.) The other children have no rights essentially. My first year I had a child who was in a wheelchair, was only at the level of a 2-year old, didn't talk at all, needed his diapers to be changed and is fed through a g-tube. He also need a nap.
I am not completely anti-inclusion. I think a child with a minor learning disability and such, can be beneficial. But our district, the very one my son goes to and I taught at, does full-inclusion because it's cheaper. That's the bottom line. That poor kid in the wheelchair loved a computer program that made a lot of noise, so he couldn't do it in class. What good is it for him to be there staring at the wall?
I guess this is all beside the point. I'm not going back to teaching even though there are parts of it that I miss. What else can I do? I have no idea. I want to go back to get my master's in psychology. I already have a minor in it. After all my problems I think I may be able to help other women. I know that profession also has it's own shit to deal with; none is perfect. Anyway, that's too expensive. I'd have to pay the tuition, get a quality sitter and learn new technologies that weren't being used when I left the working world. I just need something that is mine, but I don't know what it is. It gets pretty lonely around here at times. I am not made to sit around. Yes, I have errands, Bible Studies, and classes with other mothers. It's just not fulfilling me like it used to. I'm the mom of older boys. Both boys who can even buckle themselves in the car and zip up their own coats. Hell, they even do their homework without pleading.
Onto making dinner. Oh, yeah. Then to church. I know I'll be happy I went.
