Boy Mama

My boys turned 6 and 8 this year. They decided they wanted to play soccer and Tot t-ball. Love watching their games, which is something I never thought I would say, since I had to go and watch my older brother play every sport imaginable.

It's different being the mom. I love it! I am so proud of them for trying their best all the time!

Writing finally

Jeez, I can't believe I haven't written anything since Father's Day. This year has brought two birthdays. Tot turned 5, and S. turned 8. They are now in grades kindergarten and 2ND. Now I officially have no babies. Tot, 5

S, 8

Luckily, our kinder. is half-day only.

I'm ready to do something for me, and I'm not talking about a massage or gym membership. I want to work at something I love. I just don't know what that is. I tell myself I could volunteer somewhere next year somewhere since my kids will be all day. Maybe it'd even lead to a job. Then I see my boys' faces when they're getting off the bus, and I think to myself 'how can I not be there?'

I've taught all my adult life, and even though I loved the kids and creativity, and hell, yes the schedule, I don't see myself in education. It's not the schools we remember. I often said if it were just me and the kids I'd go back ASAP. But it's not. It's mainly difficult parents and an administration who does not back up their teacher in any way. It's full-inclusion not mainstreaming where children with disabilities go to the regular ed. subjects they do well in, even if it's just PE. etc. It may mean a child who does well in math, that child will go to the reg. ed. room where he can best be served. Full-inclusion means everything, everyone. Every child even one with severe behavior problems, are put into the everyday classroom even if this ends up being bad for the class. (I had that dynamic in my classroom.) The other children have no rights essentially. My first year I had a child who was in a wheelchair, was only at the level of a 2-year old, didn't talk at all, needed his diapers to be changed and is fed through a g-tube. He also need a nap.

I am not completely anti-inclusion. I think a child with a minor learning disability and such, can be beneficial. But our district, the very one my son goes to and I taught at, does full-inclusion because it's cheaper. That's the bottom line. That poor kid in the wheelchair loved a computer program that made a lot of noise, so he couldn't do it in class. What good is it for him to be there staring at the wall?

I guess this is all beside the point. I'm not going back to teaching even though there are parts of it that I miss. What else can I do? I have no idea. I want to go back to get my master's in psychology. I already have a minor in it. After all my problems I think I may be able to help other women. I know that profession also has it's own shit to deal with; none is perfect. Anyway, that's too expensive. I'd have to pay the tuition, get a quality sitter and learn new technologies that weren't being used when I left the working world. I just need something that is mine, but I don't know what it is. It gets pretty lonely around here at times. I am not made to sit around. Yes, I have errands, Bible Studies, and classes with other mothers. It's just not fulfilling me like it used to. I'm the mom of older boys. Both boys who can even buckle themselves in the car and zip up their own coats. Hell, they even do their homework without pleading.

Onto making dinner. Oh, yeah. Then to church. I know I'll be happy I went.

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to the most wonderful man-my husband:)

Always Something That Needs to Be Done!

Why does it seem that everything has to be done at once. The brand new air-conditioner has been making a high-pitched whistle every time it is on. It was 90 today, so that was pretty much all day! We've had problems with our landscaping company, and the owner won't call me back. Am I THAT scary at only 5'4"? Idiots! Also, youngest needs to have an x-ray of his neck for his pulmonologist ASAP! I had to make an appt. for Tot's Kindergarten physical.; I still can't talk about my baby going to school. My boys need swim lessons again, and I have yet to turn in the forms. Sorted through clothes for Goodwill, and dropped those off, but now need to sort through toys. Jeez, have my kids accumulated stuff! After going through the mudroom, the room where everything is just thrown, I found the dress-shirts my husband needs for an important conference. Brought those to the dry cleaner. Will pick-up tomorrow. Found new gym shoes for S. since his toe went through the top of his old shoes. Signed Tot up for Soccer, and forgot to bring his birth certificate. Had to go back, and he is now all set! I'm leading a part of VBS at our church. I had to go yesterday to make sure everything was sorted. I ordered pictures through Shutterfly, and I now have to put them in albums. I've never gotten to go shorts shopping yet. I think that's why I end up wearing the same year after year...


I have made a lot of progress though. I've learned to prioritize each job. Everything I cross off my list makes me feel good. It's a lot of work. I thought the baby days were full. Now my days are full of boy/kid things. It's not less satisfying, it's just different, and change is not my strong-point.

The Past and the Present

I haven't really known what to write here lately. Ever since I found out that a person from the small town I lived in for 4 1/2 years, was reading I've been afraid of saying something too personal. I know, I know, I've been writing personal things here for over four years, but knowing that a person who knows me is reading just feels weird. What makes it worse is I don't know who this person is. I only know they're from the very small town I left long ago.

I only know a few people who still live in small town, a very few---like two. The people that I hung out with have been long gone from there, and don't miss it a bit. So if one of those people were reading I don't really think they'd be writing down that they are from the town they are glad to be away from, but who knows for certain. Which leaves me to people I dated, one in particular, or friends of his that I don't know if they're still there or what. There are just things I don't want people to know. I know that a friend of his could be reading and then tells him or someone I forgot about. I think generally we all want to show people from our past how wonderful we are doing without them, or leaving a town so small that the one time, recently, I drove in there, I developed anxiety big time.

It was this anxiety that caused me to rethink my relationship all those years ago. I am not a person who likes nature, which is not a good way to be since nature abounds there. I am not a person who ever wanted to get pregnant in high school, or soon after, and get married. To expect that would be my life. I am not a person who can live in an area that seems so depressed. There's not a lot of jobs there, and what there is are not what I'd want to do. I went to college, and all of my friends who did, are gone. I felt like I never belonged, or did for only a few years , but I wasn't like anyone there. I like bigger towns and all that entails...dare I say that? I just wanted more. I knew I'd never be happy there, so I had to let go of the past. The past that included my long-time boyfriend. I loved it here, and we were just too different.
So, you see, I don't want those people to know I had trouble getting pregnant, or experienced depression or anything that would make people think that I'm not the person I wanted to be. That life in 'the big city' isn't going so well. That I somehow failed. Who would?
What I would like those people to see is my wonderful husband. The perfect man for me. My rock. I would like them to see would a nice life I have. Other than my mom dying, this is pretty much how I'd always wanted it to be. To see that I graduated college and became what I'd always wanted and said I'd become. A teacher. To see that I worked in one of the most coveted districts in the state, and did very well thank-you-very-much. To see that I left my career knowing full well I was leaving that job, and may never return to it again. To see I did it for two beautiful little boys that may make me crazy, but ultimately are two of the greatest joys of my life. To see that even though I said I would always work, that nothing makes me happier than being with them. To see we live in a nice area, house, with wonderful neighbors. The kind that talk to one another in front of our houses when it's warm. Who have helped in unimaginable ways. To see that I really did marry the man of my dreams. We are so alike in all the big stuff, like finances and raising the kids well. To see I am more than infertility and depression. I am a whole person. I've come a long way baby...

Happy Mother's Day!

If you still have your mom, give her a hug or call. We aren't promised anything in life.

The Club No one Wants To Join

What can I say to a woman who lost her mom a month ago? Should I tell her that the first year is the hardest, even though it's only been a month? Should I tell her it sucks that your mom won't see your children grow up, and in my case, won't even meet my youngest? Should I tell her that you can try to make yourself busy, but you can't avoid the pain forever. Should I tell her how it's the smallest things that just pop up that make her cry. It could be a store they went in to together, or the realization that she can't just call her mom up anymore. Should I tell her that even though it's been years, I still cry and feel that pit in my stomach when I miss her? Should I tell her the holidays suck, and if it wasn't for my kids, I wouldn't even celebrate them? Should I tell her how there will always be regret of what you didn't do, no matter how many people tell you it isn't true? Should I tell her how the day her mother died will be ingrained in her memory forever?
Should I tell her how much it hurts when I tell my boys about my mom, but they'll never meet her. Should I tell her about the day we were by a church that bells ring on the hour? Should I tell her that previously I told them how much my mom loved those bells. Should I tell her how my boys said to me,"Mommy, do you think Grandma Debbie can still hear the bells? How I have tears in my eyes now as I type this?
Should I tell her grief physically hits your body making, at times, not able to get things done? It's just too overwhelming. Should I tell her that I sniffed my mom's clothes so I could remember her? Should I tell her that it sucks that her mother isn't alive, and it will never stop sucking? Should I tell her about the time I told the boys we were going to the cemetery to see Grandma Debbie, and when we were at her grave, Tot said to me,"Mom, where is Grandma Debbie?" He didn't understand why he couldn't see her? Should I tell her that just last week, on the 7th anniversary on my mom's death, I had to tell Tot why he shouldn't stand on top of the mounds of dirt? S. and I tried to explain to him that people's bodies are underneath the ground. He didn't buy it, and recited the whole resurrection of Jesus, and how when the rock was taken away there was no body of Jesus.

Should I tell her it's lonely being without your mom, her right hand? Should I tell her how hard it is to see the world just going on even though she feels like she can't breathe. She misses her mom that much. Should I tell her how she will feel like staying in bed, or at least, feel overwhelmed even though there is no more on her 'mom plate' that usual.

Sure I can tell her all of those things, but this grief is hers, and she just has to grieve it in her way. I can tell her, however, that I will be there no matter what. She has officially become a member of the dead mother's club. A group no one wants to become a member of. No one...

Little Girl in an Adult World

Now that my oldest is in first grade, we have to get up early and get to the bus stop at an insanely early time. That's the negative. The positive is now meeting neighbors I've never met before. Well, that used to be a positive.

Last year, we stood at the bus stop with two women and their children. One of the moms had lost her job, so she was able to take her daughter to the bus stop. She was happy to do it, and she seemed quite nice. We ended up talking a lot. That was last year.

This year the woman, I'll call her Roxi, has not been at the bus stop much. Her little girl is in the same grade as my son. Anyway, when I walked the little girl, Jessie, home Roxi was outside. Well, Roxi smelled like alcohol. When I asked what she had to drink to replied lemonade, as if I didn't know the difference between alcohol and lemonade! I made a comment to lighten the mood. I figured maybe she just had a glass of wine or something. I know it was early, but I could not come up with a reason for a grown woman to be drinking at 2:30PM. I know her lying about drinking was a bad thing, but I wanted to believe it was a one time deal.

Unfortunately, it was not. Now every time I have seen her after school I smell alcohol on her breath. Other than that, she acts completely normal, and is even fun to be with. I can't reconcile both sides.

Well, about a month ago our weather started turning nice. I let my boys invite their friends over to play outside. I am happy to say that our house has become the house for which I am extremely grateful. Anyway, I asked if Jessie would like to come and she said yes and brought her bike over. While the boys were playing, Jessie and I were talking while we were using colored chalk on our driveway. I could tell she was sad, and very happy to be here. She seems lonely since she is 11 years younger that her sister, and they both have different fathers. Hers fled to another country, so she has never met him. While her sister goes to her father's house on the weekends, Jessie stays home with her mom.

One day the boys and I were talking about the family dinners we have. She said to me, "We never eat together" The other day she told me her mom doesn't make dinner. I didn't press it. I figure she'd let me know if she wanted to talk about it.

The other day I made spaghetti and asked if she'd like to stay for dinner. She said,"My mom says it's always okay for me to be here, but I'll go ask." And back she came.
While I was cooking my two boys and her were playing. My boys and Jessie get along very well. I called dinner was ready and hands were washed.
Jessie thought we would just start to eat, but instead we prayed. We added a thank you for Jessie being able to eat with us which, I think, surprised her.
I don't know what to do about the situation, but I do know she is always welcome at our house. The poor thing is only a kid and already she is facing such an adult world. I wish I could do more. I only wish I could do more...

Being a Mom of Older Boys

Christmas 2009, ages 7 and 4

Tot at the zoo, 17 months

S., age 4

S. age 3 and Tot 7 months

S. 4 months

I don't know when it happened, exactly, but my oldest has become an official 'boy'. His face has lost those last signs of babyhood, he goes to school all day, and his needs have changed from being with mom to being with friends. We have maintained a very close relationship, but now that relationship seems different.
S. is trying to find an activity he likes, and now that he is 7, there are a lot for him to choose from. Tot will be turning 5 in May. I can't even think about that because it upsets me too much. As a result, he would also like to enroll in an activity-he thinks soccer.. I only allow one activity at a time for my boys. This will be the first summer that I will be carting my boys around. It just feels weird. Weren't my boys just babies? When did I become a mom with older kids and not a 'new mom'?

It was beautiful today, so we went outside for a while. I grabbed our mitts and ball, and told S. that we could do ten throws, the kid is into numbers, and then he could do something else. The funny thing is I really enjoyed it. That's the thing about us moms of boys. We're a tough group. We have to be. With husbands working ridiculous hours, we have to step into that role of mother/father. I always tell other moms of boys, you either get into the game or sit on the sidelines feeling sorry for yourself. No, you don't have a girl. Yes, most boys are energetic and ...dirty, but you have to accept that. I'm really enjoying this stage of my sons' lives. It's both sad and amazing seeing my sons' grow, but it's mainly amazing. No more car seats. The trunk no longer carries strollers, diaper bags or 'pack n' plays'. They have been replaced with backpacks, bats, mitts and balls of all kinds. This is our new life. I will try to look forward instead of back, and enjoy the two blessings that God has given to us. And if I get a little dirty along the way I'll just smile and remember that I have never been happier in all my life as I am right now, dirt and all.

Catching up!

Ahhh...where to start. I have been over at facebook, who keeps changing things, and facebook is, as many people have said, a time-zapper. I open my page up and swear I'll only be one for 5 minutes. Well, I don't think I've only been on 5 minutes since I started. Waste of time. The benefit there is that I ran into a lot of people I knew, and it's been fun seeing what they're up to. Some I haven't seen since graduation, so it's fun to see how much we've changed. I have to pinch myself to believe that we all are in our mid-to-late 30's and beyond. From today on I am going to work to stay off of facebook, or only on it for 5 minutes. Do you think I can do it???

• A quick summary of what has been going on in formerteacher's house...S. started first grade, which was hard initially, but to which I give credit for my sanity being restored. I love him so much, and like I tell him, no matter what he does I will never stop loving him. However some times I've had enough of the game, how can I piss off Tot and mom in one try! By himself he's a dream. It's been a lot of fun playing games, Wii bowling etc. He can do so much now, and we are alike in many ways. (BTW, I always said these kids wouldn't get a video system. Well, Santa thought differently, and I am loving it. Geez, another thing to get addicted to:) That's a whole other topic!


• September brought the not so fun stage of 'someone has been hurting my kid you-better- DO something about it!' Oh, yes, the principal and I had a lovely conversation, and I'm pretty sure I overdid, but when MY SON comes home with cuts and bruises, which he initially told me were made by him falling, I don't give a shit who the hell you are, you're going to fix it. And if she didn't, I told her I was going higher. Yeah, she loves me, and boy is she just going to be so excited when she learns the younger one starts next year---5 years in a row of dealing with my boys--and me. Ha! I'm fairly certain no one is going to bother either one of them since the principal won't want to be spending any time with the likes of me!


• I used to teach in that district, and I'm pretty certain I will never work there again...I'm sure the word will get out.


• Tot is doing great in preschool, and now that S. goes full time, I've been able to go to his meetings and special performances. He loves that!


• Husband working hard. We are blessed that he is employed when so many aren't. Just wish we had more time together.


• I'm loving texting even though I said I would never use that feature.


• Christmas ended up working out. Unfortunately, I came down with an upper respiratory infection. Hubby had to work. It was oh so much fun taking care of two kids when you feel like you're dying! Wednesday, Hubster ended up getting it too. It was the gift that kept on giving!


• Here in IL it seems like the snow and cold temps. have hung over us like a fog. We also haven't had much sun, which always bugs me. I think I just may buy one of those lamps:)


• Was all set to have surgery. Then I had the pre-surgery labs. Surgery cancelled. Another doctor visit. Apparently, I am severely anemic. The plan? I take three 65 mg iron pills. I stopped taking them a few days ago. I am not going to feel like I have morning sickness all day-every day. That was supposed to be one of the joys of having no more kids!


• And I am feeling overwhelmed with all that needs to be done! I don't think that'll ever change, but I worry about how it'll be when I go back to work.


• I cut my finger while using the electric hedgers. Got 4 stitches. First time I ever had to get stitches. Not fun. Didn't like the shots in the cut itself.
  
• Went to CA sans kids. Excellent! Was able to talk without being interrupted.
  


• There you go in a nutshell! Now I'll be on to a post that doesn't leave you falling asleep!

Christmas BS

Christmas is always a hot button issue in many households. You know, who's going to have the day at their house. Since my mother has died I have been cooking Christmas dinner. I believe only one Christmas I haven't). It really helps to keep busy on a holiday that is supposed to bring cheer and happiness, which does not do either one for me anymore. I dread the hoidays nearly as much as I dread the cold and snow which blankets us into spring. My mom was right, though, your kids get you through it. Never a truer statement was said. Without those little guys I'd either be in my bed under a blanket or in a warm place, but I digress.

My father has unofficially ruined what was left of Christmas for us. He has yet to tell me his wife is having the 'celebration' over at their house. Yes, it is only the 19th. If my SIL hadn't told me accidently on Thursday night, I still would think I was cooking. It appears I'm not even invited to this day where family means so much. My dad told said SIL that he would come to my house for an hour. I presume this is to see my sons who think that Grandpa and Grandma D. are coming for the day along with all of their cousins. My husband told my SIL that all I have is my brother, her and the kids as well as my dad. That's it. Unfortunately it's true. My dad's family is nuts and has dwindled in size. We don't celebrate the holidays with them, which believe me is a good thing. My mom's family is awesome, but most live in CA or AZ, and even then it's not a ton of people. I don't have those big families. Hey, I don't even have the sister I always wanted. Anyway. My father has not called me at all still. And we actually are quite close. I'm pretty sure my SIL told him how upset I was. My belief is if you can't call or talk to someone then you know what your doing is wrong.

It has turned out that now my brother and SIL are going to her family's on Christmas Day rather than Christmas Eve because she has to work until 4PM instead of the usual 2PM. So yep, we will be alone for Christmas. The holiday that can make me sob in an instance. My mother has to be turning over in her grave. So, thanks Dad. (We have since talked and apologies given. Still wish my mom was here. It's not Christmas without.)

Consequences

Have I mentioned how much I love my boys before? That they can drive me crazy, but as I've told them no matter what they do I will always love them. With that said, this was the second day I came down to a mess in the kitchen. Last week the boys were having a 'car wash' whereupon water got everywhere, and not just the chairs AKA cars that they were cleaning. My oldest also LOVES my Clorox Anywhere Spray. Today I walked down to the mess, should've know why they were so quiet. Well, another bottle of the Clorox was almost completing gone. This time I told him HE was paying for another bottle. Got the money out of his piggy bank, and to the store we went. I just hope he stops this before he runs out of money!

Little Boy No More

I'm sure every mother goes through the 'he's growing up too fast' moments. I also am willing to bet that these same mothers also have the 'he has got to get older and out of this house or we're going to kill one another' thoughts. BTW, just in case the perfect mom police are reading this, I don't mean literally kill each other.
The other day my neighbor said she could see the signs of S.'s little-boy look going away. He looks more like a boy, no little about it. Having four kids herself, she told me this happens around first grade. And even if she was a little off on her calculations, S. lost his first tooth. Time to lose those baby teeth and grow in his adult 'permanent' teeth. I'm okay with it as long as he doesn't ask me to pull them out. Yuk!

I think I have mentioned S.'s T-Ball career, and how he grew to love it, here. All of us wish T-Ball hadn't ended. We'd love to go to another one of his games. I am on the kids' computer, our old one, right now so I'll have to post the most adorable picture at another time. I took it at his first game. Damn, I love this kid more than he'll ever understand until he becomes a parent himself. Now if he would stop sneaking my food, get rid of the smart mouth, stop beating on his younger brother, listen and listen...and listen some more, I think we'd all be a lot happier!

New **Edited**

***The woman which I had been talking about, came to my house on Monday. I overreacted big time!
Since I have been the new person more times than I can count, I have always been sensitive to people who are new to the area. I've always done this in school too. I know how lonely and overwhelming it can be to move to a new area.

Back in the fall I met a women with a two-month old and a two year old. She was from another state, and left all her family behind to move for her husband's job. We exchanged e-mail addresses, as I told her all of the things that were out there for moms in our area.

I researched different classes for moms/kids. Family events, as well as churches. It took me a while to do, but that was fine because I like to help people out. I told her about the MOPS group that I am the coordinator for, the day and date of the next meeting. She did come to that, and seemed to enjoy herself, which was good. I invited her to my house afterwards for lunch as well as a play date for the kids. We did that a few times which was nice.
Even during the coldest weather we would meet at each other's houses. It was nice, and my kids love her and her kids.

She took on a job at nights at a sports bar type restaurant. Tips are great etc., but poor her, sometimes she doesn't get in until after 2:00 AM. She was going to try to do something about the hours since it's very hard to be a mommy when you've had no sleep. When she was in a bind one time, I took care of her kids who my kids love to play with.

I reminded her last month about this cool truck show for kids, and she made it. She ran into a few other people. I was calling her phone like crazy to to tell her where to meet us, but something wasn't right with her phone or something. Meanwhile she ran into other MOPS' members, and that's when I saw her.
Well, I've e-mailed her about getting together. At that time she was on vacation. I left it as when she got back into town, call me. I've never heard from her.
Last Friday, we had a zoo day with the MOPS group. I initially told her about it a month or so ago, and our member who sets these things, sent an e-mail reminder. I met up with a bunch of the members and had a great time, but no this friend. Come to find out, a few other members, the same o nes from the truck thing, decided to meet only with each other apparently. Well, she was with them. I knew that she had play dates with theses people which is cool. The more friends the better.

It seems as though I'm being divorced or 'phased out' as they said on one episode of Friends. This has happened to me several times before. I introduce my new friends and other friends, and they'd rather be with them. Now the MOPS moms I introduced her to never were good friends of mine, more like the kind that I only see at MOPS meetings, so it's not like I lose best friends or anything. It just kind-of hurts my feelings, you know. Has this ever happened to any of you???

Good vs. Average??? You Make the Choice

A random question that's popped in my head. Was/is it easier it break up with an average guy rather than a very goodlooking one? (or one that is better looking than another). Do you stay in the relationship longer because he's a good person and you love hearing how 'hot' your boyfriend is? Can his looks and the attention you subsequently receive, be intoxicating? Like the attention is great. It's fun having people be jealous, particularly people you don't like? Does the vision of a pretty picture with beautiful children make it harder to leave/be left? To miss the attention, for a little while, to come to peace that the pretty picture would have been a lie? To truly believe that the song by 'The Offspring' in which one of the lyrics reads "the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care" is the truth? Is a goodlooking man harder to get over when they break up with you? Even when you worried that some other woman would come along and he'd cheat on you? Or do you think in 10 years he's going to see all he's missed, and then a divorce will be looming in the horizon via Jon Gosseling? (I've thought about THAT situation lately)! Does your self-esteem plummet? Is it easier to get over an average looking guy than a goodlooking one? When you see him out in public would both guys make your heart thump in that 'oh my God. I haven't seen him in years' kind of way. Knowing that you loved them both, a lot, would one be harder to see now over the other? And the BIG question: would it feel weird/make you a little jealous to see him with another woman, and to see that he has a family with her? Like what did she have over me, even when you're the one who did the breaking up or vice-versa? Like she is living the life that almost was mine? Would it have been easier to break up with average guy than a goodlooking one? I know I'm talking myself into a circle here. Ala, Carrie Bradshaw--Sex in the City, I've really been wondering that. It's also a question you can't ask all your girlfriends; it's easier, and probably more truthful, to ask people outside your inner circle. I don't really know the answer, but I'd like to. Please let me know your thoughts.

Mish-Mosh

This summer has basically sucked weather wise. It rains every week, and many times it's for multiple days. Now we have cold winters. It is too much to ask for some summer-like weather? Anyway, we have been busy. With T-Ball practice and swimming lessons, and not to mention VBS we're keeping ourselves moving. The only problem with that is our house is cluttered, and I haven't gotten the energy to clean it. Anyone else that way? In the morning, I'm ready to go. Shortly after, though, I just don't want to do it. Now my house is clean, it's just cluttered with toys and the like. I hate clutter, but I'm learning to not stress over it.

I always have a blog entry in my head until it's time to write it. Sorry this is so boring. Hubby and I have decided we need to go see my grandfather and uncle's family. No one is getting any younger, and I want to ask my grandfather questions about our family so these stories live on. The older I get, the more I want to know our family's history.
For this trip, we would like to go sans kids. We'll only be gone 5 days. Since Hubby has travelled so extensively, we can get two tickets to fly free on United. We only have one more year until his points expire. I'm going to try to get my brother and his family to watch them. I will beg if that's what it takes! Originally, I had planned on having that babysitter/nanny person I hired watch them in the day, and in the evening my brother could pick them up. However, she quit before she even started! Apparently, she wanted a full-time position and mine is only part-time. It pissed me off because I had been upfront in the beginning and she accepted the hours. Anyhow, now my brother would have my kids all day and night. That's a lot with S. being so active. I just pray they can do it, because we need to buy our tickets ASAP. It would be pure bliss not having the kids on the airplane!

I do have a sitter come twice a week for a few hours. During that time I work-out, do errands and the like. It is so much faster and enjoyable to go without the kids. Boy, it must sound like I don't love my children and I do! I just need a break every now and then. Speaking of which my youngest still takes naps, but is the one that is currently making loud noises to get attention. The older one said he was going to sleep. As long as he's quiet, I don't care. (Now the older one is noisy. Great. What can I do?)

I can't believe Hubby and I will be married 11 years next week! We also were together three years prior to our wedding. I always thought I would get bored after being with someone for so long, but nope, I haven't.

Well, there you have it. A complete mish-mosh. Hopefully next time I have something to write about.

Sometimes the Truth Really Is Stranger Than Fiction

It's true. Michael Jackson really is dead. I thought it was some crazy news done simply for ratings, but sadly it's not. I like to remember the Michael Jackson of my youth. You know, the one who was black, and did the 'moonwalk' which my friends and I tried to replicate. The one who was such a good dancer. Whose video for 'Thriller' gave me nightmares when it first came out, but I watched repeatedly on MTV. When MTV actually played music.

I don't know what happened in his later years. He became freak. He became like an accident. You know, you shouldn't look, but you can't stop yourself. Then the children. Naming two of his sons Prince Michael did nothing to keep the press away. His weird behavior only fueled the fires And the stories constantly were being reported about. Some true, many not. There was just too much weird stuff to report. So, all I can say is so long MJ. Maybe you'll finally get whatever it is you need.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

I am definitely a person who does better with routine. Most of the time I don't do well with change.
A month or so ago, the tumbling place that my children have gone to since S. was 15 months old, closed. Now with the economy being the way that it is, the classes' numbers began to dwindle. You know where this is going. She wasn't making nearly the money that she used to. The owner of the strip mall refused to give her a break at all. Not even when the tumbling company's corporate office called. This owner was horrid on a good day. He did not maintain the building, and the shops' owners' frequently would have to clean up after a rainstorm, because he hadn't had the tuck pointing done. That's just one example. Well, our tumbling owner had to close her business. Her rent was always high, but now she couldn't afford to stay anymore.
She had a 'last day party', and we went. As I walked out of the door, the owner and I hugged. And we both were teary-eyed as I told her how hard it was for me to say good-bye to the place that was such an integral part of my children's' as well as my life.

Another two places have had to close because of the owner of the strip mall. Would you believe that this man actually said he would rather have vacancies than to give anyone a break? He is losing thousands of dollars a month and for what? Each business paid an average of $4,000 a month. Yeah, this man is definitely not a mathematician!

Well, guys, something happened that I never thought would happen in a million years. The 7-11 convenient store that part of said strip mall since I was very young, is leaving because they believe the rent is too high! The store started out as a White Hen Pantry. Two years ago 7-11 bought them and here we are.

I know it probably sounds silly to some, but I had/have gotten close to the people who worked there. They knew I came in the morning for my Big Gulp that would help me stay awake. They would even ring it up before I got to the check-out, because they knew my routine so well. A woman named Marie and I would talk about kids, husbands etc. Sometimes I was in the store for 15 minutes while we talked.

My point here is that I got to know the people. I guess it is a lot like the show 'Cheers' song. "You want a place to go where everybody knows your name." It is so rare these days that people even stop to simply say hello to each other, let alone have conversations.

My father talks about the area in Chicago where he grew up. People got to know each other. They knew each others family members etc., and it generally had that small town feel to it. That even though they had all the amenities that it was able to keep that feeling to it. That is how this one store felt. You wouldn't believe how many people showed up to say 'good-bye' to the workers. Our pseudo-friends. People that remembered you, and would always acknowledge you as you walked through the door.
There is no longer that place, and I'm judging by the amount of people were there to say their good-byes, more people than I want to have that place 'where everybody knows your name.'

Glad I Made the Decison

Yesterday, S. said that T-Ball was even better than last week! He was so smiley. I've learned that sometimes, as a parent, you have to take charge and hope that your decision is the right one. Believe me, I am SO happy this T-Ball adventure went the way that it did. Now if I could just get him to stop writing on his walls.....

The End and the Beginning

First off, I can't believe my oldest is a first grader! Don't worry, I am done complaining and crying....until next time. Poor S. was really bummed that both of the summer camps he used to attend have closed. Lovely economy, eh? I told S. that he needed to do something this summer. I rattled off several ideas, which he nixed almost immediately. I even asked him if he wanted to take an art class of some sort from Michael's Crafts. I wanted him to feel that he didn't need to play sports if he didn't want to. Just because his father and all of my family, except me, are involved with sports doesn't mean he has to do a sport. Well, he said no to that as well. Needless to say, the ball was in court, so to speak.

I decided to sign him up for T-Ball. When I told him, he got very angry with me. I said to him if after the five weeks, he decides that he doesn't like it, he won't have to play again. This morning was the first practice. He was very nervous, and me running late didn't help, I'm sure. I watched his practice with his brother who kept yelling, "You go S!" "Good job S.!" That made S. very happy. He just kept smiling and smiling. The practice involved mainly running today, which is S.'s favorite thing to do! After the practice I saw him still smiling. He said he liked it a lot now that he's been there.

I am proud of S. Proud that he overcame his fear. Proud of him for trying his best. I think he's going to be just fine. Maybe even better than fine. Next week, the husband is on vacation, and gets to go to the practices too. I know S. will be over the moon then. Who doesn't love having their mommy and daddy with them? Even though S. can be a real pain in the butt, I love that kid with all my heart and soul.