I am not in the doghouse much anymore. We talked, and realized that most of the purchases made last month were things we don't need to buy on a monthly basis. Such as tires for J.'s car, oil changes, birthday gifts, and the like. Oh, and J. is taking a week off around Christmas, after the hubbub, so S. will be potty-trained which will cut the amount we spend on diapers in half! Man, are diapers expensive! He is over 3 years old, and frankly, we need the money, we WANT that money that is so unnecessarily spent on diapers. S. 'understands' going on the potty and has done it. Now we are just not going to allow him the option to wear diapers anymore. When I purchased another box of diapers for R., S. said,"S.'s diapers?" I said, "No, when yours run out, you are done with diapers. Mommy and Daddy are not buying you anymore. You are going to use the big boy potty like Daddy." We are going to 'double-team' him. With mommy and daddy both on it, hopefully it will be done! So that will give us another $70/month or so, which will be helpful.
It's just we are paying into 2 college accounts for the boys, which was J.'s parents' idea. They along with J.'s aunt and uncle and us, would be paying into those accounts. Monthly, people, like a freakin' car payment X 2. And we already have one car payment! Plus, his parents were going to pay the couple grand down payment for R/'s account like they did S.'s. Now when this all came up when S. was 6 WEEKS old, I kid you not, I told J. to be sure that we could pay this even if they backed out. I didn't want to be dependent on them for money. I believe money and family usually don't mix. He assured me we could, and upon looking at our finances, I realized indeed we could. Well, now add in R. and that expensive down payment, which was due before we even had an argument. Let's just say J.'s dad is not the best when it comes to finances, so they told us back then that they 'owed' it to us; I didn't hold my breath. We CAN do it, it's just cutting more into our finances than we'd like. I really cannot believe that I am having to worry about college expenses for my 6 month and 3 year old right now! J. said we will be happy when they are 18 that we did this, and I am sure we will be, but right now it kind-of sucks. Three car payments; luckily we paid off one car before we bought the van, and not much to show for it. Damn, for the money we are paying out, we could have bought J. the Volvo he wanted. Of course, we could also put that money in our SAVINGS account. Damn ILs. BUT, and I will continue to say this, I would rather have less money and no stress from them, than to have that damn Volvo in my garage or more money in the bank. So I will continue to try to find ways to trim the fat, so to speak.
And on a much better note, not only am I no longer in the doghouse, but I am high on J.'s good list, I'm sure. We had a fabulous evening last night. The best we've had in a longggggg time! Yummy is what comes to mind. I love my husband. I hope to entice him tonight as well. Can you tell I'm ovulating? I said to J. afterwards that maybe we should have used a condom, and he gave me this look. Not much we can do now, and being infertile and all, I don't think it'll be a problem. It better not be. I can't have another baby. It would not be a good thing. Now I'm off to daydream about my hubby. Love a man in suit and tie; LOVE IT!
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
In the Doghouse
I bought clothes, church clothes mainly, yesterday at my favorite store that is going out of business. I got 40% off of everything, and since everything I bought is classic, not trendy in the least, I am sure that I will be wearing these clothes for years; I kid you not. Unfortunately, Jeff told me that our credit card bill was a ridiculous amount yesterday evening, so I have had a knot in my stomach knowing that these clothes are not returnable. I know I will wear them all, and that I will not be able to buy four pairs of pants that do not need to be shortened for $20-$25.00. So I still feel it was the right thing to do, and that we will save money in the end. However, my husband did not know about these purchases. He didn't come home last night until 10PM; church basketball league. After discussing his concerns in bed, I wanted to look at that damn bill and see where things could be cut. Yesterday I said we will be having Friday's dinner at home now; we used to go out to eat every Friday and Saturday, so this will help.
Fast forward to 10 minutes ago. I was looking in our filing cabinet for the bill. Turns out J. had only checked yesterday what our balance was on the internet. Thus, no paper bill to be seen. I ask him where the bill was, he tells me on the computer. I never check my bills online, will be now!, so he came over to pull up the info. He saw my charges and freaked out.
Lesson learned: if you are in the mood to have sex, do not bring up the topic of money. Or at least have sex beforehand. I have a feeling it's going to be a long night!
Fast forward to 10 minutes ago. I was looking in our filing cabinet for the bill. Turns out J. had only checked yesterday what our balance was on the internet. Thus, no paper bill to be seen. I ask him where the bill was, he tells me on the computer. I never check my bills online, will be now!, so he came over to pull up the info. He saw my charges and freaked out.
Lesson learned: if you are in the mood to have sex, do not bring up the topic of money. Or at least have sex beforehand. I have a feeling it's going to be a long night!
Monday, November 28, 2005
A Happy, Yet Dysfunctional, Holiday Was Had By All
I really had high hopes for this holiday. First, no in-laws to visit, enough said there, this was the third Thanksgiving since my mom passed away and it is getting easier, and we were eating Thanksgiving dinner at my brother's which is always delicious. Well, J.'s sister and her husband were set to come by in the morning to visit with us and the boys. It had been since the infamous christening that we had seen them. Now we knew that J.'s poor sister has been really stressed out as my ILs have been putting her in the middle of our situation; we still refuse to say anything about it to her. We believe it is between J.'s parents and us, so why say anything to anyone else? Besides, they are her parents, and who really wants to hear bad things about their parents?! Basically, the ILs have spoken quite badly about us to nearly everyone, as far as we can tell. J. told me they believe that I had this all planned out since we got married. That I have been trying to get rid of them. As I told J., if that was true, then I haven't been very efficient, have I? I mean we've been married over 7 years! At any rate, J.'s sister did come Thursday morning, but her husband refused to. He went to work-out while she was at our house. We don't really know her husband well; they've only been married a little over a year and live in another state. However, he is R.'s God-father. He is angry at us, apparently, but he has only heard one side. Again, we refuse to share why it is that we are not speaking ot J.'s parents. I do think it is pretty self-righteous to deny seeing your nephews when you don't even know the situation, and when it is obvious that seeing our children is important to his wife. I mentioned to J. that we could have refused to see him when he and J.'s sister started dating because he was married. He said he had been trying to find his wife who left, and when he did the divorce would be final. It sounded pretty shady to J. and I, but we decided to meet him first, and support J.'s sister whatever her decision was. It was between her and this man, not us. And after we got to know him, we liked him. He did get a divorce, and I think they are happily married. Anyway, the old saying, Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, comes to mind. The problem is that J.'s sister says this is all negatively affecting her marriage. J.'s mom talks to her nearly every day. J.'s sister knows that my MIL is depressed, and is trying to get her to get some help, so hopefully she will and maybe this situation will get better. On Thursday, J.'s sister said she is 'in the middle of all this', and J. said that we didn't put her there, his parents did. If they wouldn't talk to her about the situation then she wouldn't be in the middle. I just feel so bad for her because of her husband, and of course what her parents are doing to her. I'm sure she is relieved to be back at home now.
Yesterday, she stopped by after church and gave us all our Christmas gifts since she will not be coming home for Christmas. She didn't last year either, and I have no problem with that. However, my FIL if you remember, did not come to Christmas dinner last year because we did not see them on Christmas Eve. Very hypocritical. Oh, and J.'s poor sister was told to give us a letter written to us by his parents. Now they are using God and Jesus in their letters, and Christian forgiveness, which I am sorry but if they had lived their life according to Christ's word then this never would have happened in the first place. Remember it was them who made a scene in God's house on our son's Christening Day, so don't pull that shit on us. That letter just made things worse. They are trying to manipulate us so they can see their grandchildren. They will say whatever they think we want to hear, so that can happen. The letters started in October with name-calling, "How can you be so cruel?' to now using God. They are very transparent. J.'s father is used to getting what he wants; used to being able to talk people into things; he's an excellent salesman, but we are not buying it. And until J.'s mother gets help, there is no point in doing the mediation. I needed help, and I got it which has greatly benefitted my children, my husband as well as myself. Why can't she do the same? There is no shame in being depressed. Get the help you need. Well, she goes to Florida next month after the holiday so we won't be able to do the mediation until at least April.
On Saturday I had my mom's side of the family over, and we had such a good time. I love them! J. does too. My one cousn has two boys as well. S. and J. are only 2 weeks apart. R. and baby J. are only 4 DAYS apart. S. and J. played together and had fun, well, when they weren't beating on each other. Both kids are not aggressive, but Saturday, wow, what a difference! We're going to get together more, so that should be fun.
We celebrated the first Sunday of Advent yesterday, and S. seemed to really enjoy watching us light the candle. We tried to teach him that the world used to be dark, turned the ligths off, and when Jesus came there was light again, turn the lights on. We talked a bit more, but being only three that was enough.
Now my favorite parts/ pictures of the holiday weekend. Oh, and in case you're wondering what I am holding up in that picture, it is a Pottery Barn gift certificate. I have had my eye on a lamp there which I want to put next to my comfy chair in the living room so, should I ever have the time, I can read. Peace out.
My three boys; the love of my lives!
Yesterday, she stopped by after church and gave us all our Christmas gifts since she will not be coming home for Christmas. She didn't last year either, and I have no problem with that. However, my FIL if you remember, did not come to Christmas dinner last year because we did not see them on Christmas Eve. Very hypocritical. Oh, and J.'s poor sister was told to give us a letter written to us by his parents. Now they are using God and Jesus in their letters, and Christian forgiveness, which I am sorry but if they had lived their life according to Christ's word then this never would have happened in the first place. Remember it was them who made a scene in God's house on our son's Christening Day, so don't pull that shit on us. That letter just made things worse. They are trying to manipulate us so they can see their grandchildren. They will say whatever they think we want to hear, so that can happen. The letters started in October with name-calling, "How can you be so cruel?' to now using God. They are very transparent. J.'s father is used to getting what he wants; used to being able to talk people into things; he's an excellent salesman, but we are not buying it. And until J.'s mother gets help, there is no point in doing the mediation. I needed help, and I got it which has greatly benefitted my children, my husband as well as myself. Why can't she do the same? There is no shame in being depressed. Get the help you need. Well, she goes to Florida next month after the holiday so we won't be able to do the mediation until at least April.
On Saturday I had my mom's side of the family over, and we had such a good time. I love them! J. does too. My one cousn has two boys as well. S. and J. are only 2 weeks apart. R. and baby J. are only 4 DAYS apart. S. and J. played together and had fun, well, when they weren't beating on each other. Both kids are not aggressive, but Saturday, wow, what a difference! We're going to get together more, so that should be fun.
We celebrated the first Sunday of Advent yesterday, and S. seemed to really enjoy watching us light the candle. We tried to teach him that the world used to be dark, turned the ligths off, and when Jesus came there was light again, turn the lights on. We talked a bit more, but being only three that was enough.
Now my favorite parts/ pictures of the holiday weekend. Oh, and in case you're wondering what I am holding up in that picture, it is a Pottery Barn gift certificate. I have had my eye on a lamp there which I want to put next to my comfy chair in the living room so, should I ever have the time, I can read. Peace out.
My three boys; the love of my lives!
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
It Costs A Lot to Be Crazy!
After being given precious samples of my anti-depressants, mainly due to dosage changes and a very nice nurse, I had to have my prescription filled for my current dose of meds. The dose that is working so well for me, knock on wood! Well, the maker of this drug does not make my level of dose in one pill, even though my dose is a very common one. So it entails my psychiatrist having to prescribe that I take the one of the highest dose pills twice a day. Then I have to take one pill of the lesser dose at the same time. While this is very annoying, it is even more expensive. With insurance, guys, I just spent $90.00. One bottle contains 60 pills, and the other 30 pills. Only one month's supply of this miracle medication. Did I also mention I have allergies, hypothyroidism and interstitial cystitis, the latter of which was brought on by my first surgery for my endo. Nice present, eh? Like, oh by the way, we lasered off the endo. and left a nice burn of sorts on your bladder. We think. However, we will never admit to any wrongdoing. Let's just call it a coincidence. My urologist does not agree with that. Nevertheless, that was an expensive trip to the emergency room! So adding up my monthly supply of meds, that are by the grace of God covered 80% by insurance, and we pay about $135.00/month. I ask you, how does one who does not have insurance pay that amount. Because my anti-depressants alone would run us $300.00 without coverage! Now you know why there are so many mentally disturbed people on the street getting no treatment. It's too expensive!
It's a love-hate relationship between me and the drug companies. I hate that they charge such outrageous prices for medications they know people can't do without, however if it wasn't for my current anti-depressant I wouldn't be doing as well as I am presently. So I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't. Luckily, I can afford to be crazy!!! I am only joking about mental illness as I do know it's not funny. I am my mother's child, though, and agree that for some particularly horrible diseases you have to laugh. It's the only thing that will get you through. Like my mom once had a very interesting question about her chemotherapy treatments side-effects. Her question? Why does chemo. make your hair fall out everywhere except for your legs and armpits, which is really where you don't want any hair to be? Indeed! Does anyone have an answer to that one? I still haven't been able to figure it out.
It's a love-hate relationship between me and the drug companies. I hate that they charge such outrageous prices for medications they know people can't do without, however if it wasn't for my current anti-depressant I wouldn't be doing as well as I am presently. So I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't. Luckily, I can afford to be crazy!!! I am only joking about mental illness as I do know it's not funny. I am my mother's child, though, and agree that for some particularly horrible diseases you have to laugh. It's the only thing that will get you through. Like my mom once had a very interesting question about her chemotherapy treatments side-effects. Her question? Why does chemo. make your hair fall out everywhere except for your legs and armpits, which is really where you don't want any hair to be? Indeed! Does anyone have an answer to that one? I still haven't been able to figure it out.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Past and Present Endometriosis Sufferers, I Need You!
I know the Lord only gives us what we can handle; I just wish he didn't trust me so much.
Mother Teresa
Oh, isn't that the truth! I have suffered from endometriosis, from here on known as endo., for about 6 years now. I didn't realize that it was the cause of all of my backaches, in the beginning, so it's just an estimate. I truly noticed something was not quite right about 4 months after going off the pill back in 2000. I kept feeling this throbbing, and it continued to get more painful each month. We were trying to have a baby, and as the months went by with no pregnancy, I started to worry that there was something wrong. That this pain was not normal. J. wanted me to call the doctor, but at that time, I just didn't like involving doctors and such. Well, J. left on a business trip to London, and I took a personal day off from work to go Christmas shopping with my mom.
As we were walking the mall, I cringed in pain. My pain at that time would just come out of no where and surprise the hell out of me. Being my mom and all, she noticed. Don't moms always notice what you don't want them to see? She asked questions, being a nurse and former endo. sufferer herself, she knew what to ask. When we got back to my house, she handed the phone to me, and told me to call the doctor or she would. Yah, I called the doctor. Who wants their mommy calling the doctor for them when they're 27 years old? Oh, yah, MEN! Cheap shot, I know.
My doctor, gyno., called back a few hours later. We discussed my pain, and he felt it was not endo., even though I gave him my family history, and did not feel there were any problems with us getting pregnant since it had 'only' been six months and I had regular periods. He said if Ibruprofen did not control my pain, then I could call him for something stronger. Let's 'wait and see', he said. That's what he always said. So I continued to deal with the pelvic pain, and the increasing back pain.
Two months later, I couldn't stand it. I called and did not get a return call until two days later, when I called after hours, and told the answering service I needed one of the doctors to call me back NOW! And no I'm not in labor damn it! The head doctor called me back, the one who delivered R. He told me I needed to call during business hours. I said I DID for TWO days and NO ONE called me back. I was pissed! He apologized and called in a prescription for Vicodin promptly. Love Dr. B! Two days later, J. and I purchased a new bedroom set, a Thomasville one I had been coveting but thought I should hold off on 'because I could be pregnant.' After 9 months, I just knew in my bones something was wrong. Well, the original doctor, the let's wait and see one, called back and apologized for not calling me back sooner. Oh, and all the the sudden he decided we needed to take action. Something could be wrong; I actually could have endo. Ya' think?! He wanted to do a lap. to make sure I had endo., sew me back up without removing the endo. and put me on Lupron. Uh, no.... Lupron was originally developed to treat prostrate cancer in men; it's a form of chemotherapy. In women, it's purpose is to put you in a chemical menopause. There are lots of not-so-pleasant- side-effects that actually sounded worse than the pain I was in. Plus, he wanted me to have the injection every month for six months, thus wasting valuable time, in my opinion. I did not see the benefit of being in menopause at the age of 28! Plus, I wanted a baby! So screw Lupron; it was time for a second opinion.
We got a referral to Northwestern Medical Center which has an acclaimed women's center. The doctor right away agreed with me. Lupron was not the best option for a woman trying to have a baby. I wanted to have a lap., and if the endo. was found, I wanted it removed. He said no. You only have surgery if the endo. is causing you unbearable pain to which you cannot function. He said let's do an HSG, dye put through tubes, to see if your tubes are open and if your uterus is of normal shape, etc. Had that test, and everything looked great. What to do next? My all time favorite drug, insert sarcasm here, Clomid with an HCG injection of Ovidrel! He wanted to do and IUI too, but I just wasn't ready. I thought it was all my fault anyway, so what difference would putting the sperm closer to the eggs do? (J.'s first semen analysis came back great). We did two Clomid cycles, and let's just say they didn't work, and they made me an emotional mess. Plus, Northwestern, although a very good hospital, just was too sterile, and driving in rush hour traffic just to have an ultrasound was wearing us down.
We ended up having a full work-up at our next clinic which was literally down the street from my work! Wouldn't that be convenient? Everything came back fine, although the pain was still there. They wanted to try another Clomid cycle. I said no. I said no to everything they suggested. I said I wanted a lap. to check for the endo. and to remove it. I was not doing any further fertility treatments until that was done. The doctor agreed. So the week of September 11th, 2001, I got to have my lap. And guess what? I had endometriosis. It took me a year and three doctors to finally get a lap.! They removed the endo., too. Then we did a Clomid IUI cycle in which I did get pregnant. I m/c at nine weeks, but after the m/c itself I felt no pain. I then went to Dr.S, my FAVORITE RE, as the previous clinic and I, well it's a long story. Let's just say it was best to leave. Dr. S did the same treatment and I got pregnant again on the first try, although we found out something special about hubby's sperm. Sometimes they stick together, and when they do, the RE can do a special wash to get them moving again. Nine months later S. was born at a whopping 8 pounds, 10 ounces, 22 inches long!
I was lucky in that I really didn't have any bad pain until 13 months after S. was born and after two Clomid cycles. This time the pain was more intense than ever! My RE told me the fertility drugs exacerbate endo. Lovely! I layed on the floor pretty much the whole day it came back. The next day was Thanksgiving. Just great! First holiday without my mom, too. When it rains, it pours.
The next two periods were unbearable. I would just cry from the pain. I took my Vicodin, but that just caused more pain. I had endo. that affected my bowels as well as my back and pelvic area. Fun, huh? So having a BM hurt, and taking a narcotic that constipates me just made it worse. It was a catch-22. We made an appt. with Dr.S.
Being a doctor who actually cares, he promised to get me into surgery to relieve the pain, BEFORE my next period. And he did. And he found more endo.; just stage two though. It was not affecting my ability to get pregnant he believed; all of the other doctors had said the same thing. He did hope that it would relieve my pain. Nope. Nada. Not happening. Just freakin' great.
We did two more cycles of injectables; we had done one before the surgery, and no pregnancies. My endo. just got so unbearable. I told Dr. S. we needed to take a break, and could he please prescribe some birth control pills for me so I could take them continuously so I would not get a period. He agreed. This was May, the Friday before Mother's Day. My brother had S. because I was on Vicodin and in too much pain to take care of him. Dr.S and I put me on the schedule for an August IVF. In the meantime, I also tried accupuncture. Now I like western medicine, but it wasn't working for me, so I decided to try accupuncture. It did help with my stress-level, and in combo. with the pill, it was helpful. Alone, it was not.
Well, this brings us to the IVF, which worked, and thus I was endo.-pain free. Blissful! R. was born, and until last Sunday, I had been pain-free. Last Sunday I was in so much pain, I slept for five hours and did not leave my bed. Monday, surprisingly was better, but Tuesday was the pits! With my endo. not only do I have pelvic pain, but also nausea. Think morning sickness. It's bad.
So I am scared now, guys. I only got 5 months without the endo. returning. I will not do another lap.; didn't help the pain last time anyway. Should I take the pill back to back, therefore no periods? I do have a prescription for it. I will not do Lupron. The other option my RE mentioned was a hysterectomy. My mom had one at 29, she always wanted more children, but the pain was too bad. Now I understand. I don't want a hysterectomy. Is there anything else I can do? This makes me very down, not depressed, just down. I finally got my depression under control, and now this. It makes me angry. Are there any more options? What should I do??? Can anyone else relate??? I know Sandi P. can. I just want to be out of pain. Is that too much to ask?
Mother Teresa
Oh, isn't that the truth! I have suffered from endometriosis, from here on known as endo., for about 6 years now. I didn't realize that it was the cause of all of my backaches, in the beginning, so it's just an estimate. I truly noticed something was not quite right about 4 months after going off the pill back in 2000. I kept feeling this throbbing, and it continued to get more painful each month. We were trying to have a baby, and as the months went by with no pregnancy, I started to worry that there was something wrong. That this pain was not normal. J. wanted me to call the doctor, but at that time, I just didn't like involving doctors and such. Well, J. left on a business trip to London, and I took a personal day off from work to go Christmas shopping with my mom.
As we were walking the mall, I cringed in pain. My pain at that time would just come out of no where and surprise the hell out of me. Being my mom and all, she noticed. Don't moms always notice what you don't want them to see? She asked questions, being a nurse and former endo. sufferer herself, she knew what to ask. When we got back to my house, she handed the phone to me, and told me to call the doctor or she would. Yah, I called the doctor. Who wants their mommy calling the doctor for them when they're 27 years old? Oh, yah, MEN! Cheap shot, I know.
My doctor, gyno., called back a few hours later. We discussed my pain, and he felt it was not endo., even though I gave him my family history, and did not feel there were any problems with us getting pregnant since it had 'only' been six months and I had regular periods. He said if Ibruprofen did not control my pain, then I could call him for something stronger. Let's 'wait and see', he said. That's what he always said. So I continued to deal with the pelvic pain, and the increasing back pain.
Two months later, I couldn't stand it. I called and did not get a return call until two days later, when I called after hours, and told the answering service I needed one of the doctors to call me back NOW! And no I'm not in labor damn it! The head doctor called me back, the one who delivered R. He told me I needed to call during business hours. I said I DID for TWO days and NO ONE called me back. I was pissed! He apologized and called in a prescription for Vicodin promptly. Love Dr. B! Two days later, J. and I purchased a new bedroom set, a Thomasville one I had been coveting but thought I should hold off on 'because I could be pregnant.' After 9 months, I just knew in my bones something was wrong. Well, the original doctor, the let's wait and see one, called back and apologized for not calling me back sooner. Oh, and all the the sudden he decided we needed to take action. Something could be wrong; I actually could have endo. Ya' think?! He wanted to do a lap. to make sure I had endo., sew me back up without removing the endo. and put me on Lupron. Uh, no.... Lupron was originally developed to treat prostrate cancer in men; it's a form of chemotherapy. In women, it's purpose is to put you in a chemical menopause. There are lots of not-so-pleasant- side-effects that actually sounded worse than the pain I was in. Plus, he wanted me to have the injection every month for six months, thus wasting valuable time, in my opinion. I did not see the benefit of being in menopause at the age of 28! Plus, I wanted a baby! So screw Lupron; it was time for a second opinion.
We got a referral to Northwestern Medical Center which has an acclaimed women's center. The doctor right away agreed with me. Lupron was not the best option for a woman trying to have a baby. I wanted to have a lap., and if the endo. was found, I wanted it removed. He said no. You only have surgery if the endo. is causing you unbearable pain to which you cannot function. He said let's do an HSG, dye put through tubes, to see if your tubes are open and if your uterus is of normal shape, etc. Had that test, and everything looked great. What to do next? My all time favorite drug, insert sarcasm here, Clomid with an HCG injection of Ovidrel! He wanted to do and IUI too, but I just wasn't ready. I thought it was all my fault anyway, so what difference would putting the sperm closer to the eggs do? (J.'s first semen analysis came back great). We did two Clomid cycles, and let's just say they didn't work, and they made me an emotional mess. Plus, Northwestern, although a very good hospital, just was too sterile, and driving in rush hour traffic just to have an ultrasound was wearing us down.
We ended up having a full work-up at our next clinic which was literally down the street from my work! Wouldn't that be convenient? Everything came back fine, although the pain was still there. They wanted to try another Clomid cycle. I said no. I said no to everything they suggested. I said I wanted a lap. to check for the endo. and to remove it. I was not doing any further fertility treatments until that was done. The doctor agreed. So the week of September 11th, 2001, I got to have my lap. And guess what? I had endometriosis. It took me a year and three doctors to finally get a lap.! They removed the endo., too. Then we did a Clomid IUI cycle in which I did get pregnant. I m/c at nine weeks, but after the m/c itself I felt no pain. I then went to Dr.S, my FAVORITE RE, as the previous clinic and I, well it's a long story. Let's just say it was best to leave. Dr. S did the same treatment and I got pregnant again on the first try, although we found out something special about hubby's sperm. Sometimes they stick together, and when they do, the RE can do a special wash to get them moving again. Nine months later S. was born at a whopping 8 pounds, 10 ounces, 22 inches long!
I was lucky in that I really didn't have any bad pain until 13 months after S. was born and after two Clomid cycles. This time the pain was more intense than ever! My RE told me the fertility drugs exacerbate endo. Lovely! I layed on the floor pretty much the whole day it came back. The next day was Thanksgiving. Just great! First holiday without my mom, too. When it rains, it pours.
The next two periods were unbearable. I would just cry from the pain. I took my Vicodin, but that just caused more pain. I had endo. that affected my bowels as well as my back and pelvic area. Fun, huh? So having a BM hurt, and taking a narcotic that constipates me just made it worse. It was a catch-22. We made an appt. with Dr.S.
Being a doctor who actually cares, he promised to get me into surgery to relieve the pain, BEFORE my next period. And he did. And he found more endo.; just stage two though. It was not affecting my ability to get pregnant he believed; all of the other doctors had said the same thing. He did hope that it would relieve my pain. Nope. Nada. Not happening. Just freakin' great.
We did two more cycles of injectables; we had done one before the surgery, and no pregnancies. My endo. just got so unbearable. I told Dr. S. we needed to take a break, and could he please prescribe some birth control pills for me so I could take them continuously so I would not get a period. He agreed. This was May, the Friday before Mother's Day. My brother had S. because I was on Vicodin and in too much pain to take care of him. Dr.S and I put me on the schedule for an August IVF. In the meantime, I also tried accupuncture. Now I like western medicine, but it wasn't working for me, so I decided to try accupuncture. It did help with my stress-level, and in combo. with the pill, it was helpful. Alone, it was not.
Well, this brings us to the IVF, which worked, and thus I was endo.-pain free. Blissful! R. was born, and until last Sunday, I had been pain-free. Last Sunday I was in so much pain, I slept for five hours and did not leave my bed. Monday, surprisingly was better, but Tuesday was the pits! With my endo. not only do I have pelvic pain, but also nausea. Think morning sickness. It's bad.
So I am scared now, guys. I only got 5 months without the endo. returning. I will not do another lap.; didn't help the pain last time anyway. Should I take the pill back to back, therefore no periods? I do have a prescription for it. I will not do Lupron. The other option my RE mentioned was a hysterectomy. My mom had one at 29, she always wanted more children, but the pain was too bad. Now I understand. I don't want a hysterectomy. Is there anything else I can do? This makes me very down, not depressed, just down. I finally got my depression under control, and now this. It makes me angry. Are there any more options? What should I do??? Can anyone else relate??? I know Sandi P. can. I just want to be out of pain. Is that too much to ask?
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