Just an FYI

Steve is feeling better, thank you to those who posted or e-mailed me. Steve just started becoming himself today. Prior to today, we were back on a newborn's schedule complete with frequent screams/crying at night. It is oddly comical now, but Jeff and I were nudging each other when it was 'your turn' to get up with Steve. Steve was also really whiney, and the house was always full of noise. I guess I have really gotten used to the routine that we have set up. I was feeling so down when all of this was happening, I believe partly because, like with a newborn, I didn't know what to expect next. Plus, I was so worried about Steve. At any rate, this experience has reminded me of what it's like to have a newborn in the house. I am scared, frankly. Excited and scared, but still scared. I know I cannot prepare totally for what life will be like with two children. Heck, I can't even prepare for having a newborn in the house because he may be very different from Steve. So what worked with Steve may not work with this baby, and vice versa. And I remember quite well how much the first 6 weeks sucked. I am not the greatest with newborns. Give me a 3-6 month old and I am in heaven, but a newborn, well, that is not my strength. Older babies smile and cry for reasons. You can read them better, but with newborns I am often at a lose as to what they want. Plus, after having a c-section I am just so worn out from trying to recover. I am trying to tell myself that it may be better this time, and it may be. I have raised an infant before, my mom is not dying, and the weather at this time of the year is nicer so I can get out. My mood is influenced by the weather, so good weather can only help. But then I say, I will have TWO children to take care of, a c-section to recover from, and my mom is dead so I can't even receive reassurance from her. I am also afraid of the PPD returning. Sigh........................ I guess I have to learn that I cannot control everything, and that there are some things I can't know until they happen. I just pray all goes well. I really do.