As Marilyn Brooks Would Say, I'm a Bitch

On Friday night, J.'s aunt and uncle came by to give the kids their Christmas gifts; we have never seen them on Christmas, so we always exchange gifts on another day. As they arrived, J.'s uncle said he needed his help to carry the presents in. Now J.'s uncle is a good man, and yes he married into the family too. He is not openly passing judgment either, and still comes by to see the kids. He seems to understand that this 'issue' is between J.'s parents and us, and not them, which is something no one else in his family seems to get. At any rate, he had gifts in the car from J.'s parents for the kids. He told J. that he would bring them back if J. didn't want them to be brought in. Whatever he/we wanted. J. said to take them back. However, his uncle handed J. two envelopes from J.'s parents that he said he had to give him. J. did the right thing and took them. His parents have really put a lot of people in an ackward position; we didn't want to put his uncle in yet another ackward position by not taking the envelopes.

Inside these cards, were two checks. The down payment for R.'s college fund that they were supposed to give us before R.'s christening, but didn't, and their contribution to S.'s college fund. See we sold our souls to the devil when S. was 6 weeks old. J.'s father saw this college plan that looked like a good idea. We would pay a little more than half for it, and between J.'s parents and aunt/uncle they would pay the rest. Now I never felt comfortable with this arrangement, but when it was first brought up I was in the throws of PPD, and then my mom died, therefore I didn't stand my ground because I just didn't care at that time. When R. was born J. asked his parents if the same arrangement would apply for him before we opened his account. They assured us it did, then later told us that they wouldn't be able to put the money in until they sold this property that they were rehabbing. J.'s dad is not the best with money, and he took on this high-risk investment of rehabbing properties in bad neighborhoods with the hope that the neighborhoods would improve and they could sell the properties for a profit. It hasn't been working out that way. And how dangerous are these neighborhoods exactly? Well, J's dad had to hide behind a tree one time due to gunfire. Yah, gunfire. This man has mortaged the house he payed off, the house in FL that they own, and has taken several loans, one of which he did not discuss with his wife. I can't go into any more detail than that, as I believe what he did was illegal. I won't do that to J. So anyway, that's fine if you can't afford it, just tell us. The ironic thing here is that his father was able to write a thousand dollar check to be in a fantasy football league. So, you tell me what is truly important to him? Family, like he always says, or himself, which is really what he cares about. At any rate, they could have afforded to give us the money, and they didn't. Which put us in a tight spot financially as we now had to pay the down payment plus both of the boys' monthly payments on our own. When I asked J. to sit down with me and go over all of our bills, I just about passed out when I saw the monthly payments, plus the down payment. No wonder we were struggling. J. and I cancelled those accounts, and have now invested the money into a much more flexible program for the kids' college. A much better plan, and one that I would have wanted to do had it been presented to me as an option. I'm not blaming J. as he already blames himself, but I will say that I did not have much say in the matter. And that is my fault too. So we breathed a sigh of relief when that was all over with.

So back to the two checks. J. and I have decided to send them back. I do not believe money and family mix, and now he sees that too. If they'd like to set up their own plan for the boys, that is fine, but we are no longer mixing our money together. I do know that I will come off as the bitch once again, and I can honestly say I just don't care any more. After this Christmas whereupon we received two Christmas cards from his extended family, and I sent every one of them a card with the boys' pictures on them, I know where we stand with each and every one of them. We normally receive many cards from them, and hell, even my brother got a card from one of them. Am I surprised? Not at all. As a good friend of mine once said to me, "B., you can tell a lot about how much someone cares for you by whether or not they show up to your wedding or funerals of your loved ones." Oh, how right she is. NO ONE from his mom's side of the family showed up to my mom's wake, let alone her funeral. And most of them only live 30 minutes or less from the funeral home and church. That really hurt me. My MIL told me that people can be too busy to attend, you know. Yah, right. ALL of them. I don't think so. I mean most of them made it to at least J.'s grandmother's wake, and none liked her. They were there to support the family, which was great. Even my parents came to that wake and the funeral. That's what you do. Where were they all when I needed support? They weren't there. They have never been there for J. and I, and they never will be. They believe everything J.'s parents tell them, and don't even call us ever. So we know who really cares about us and who doesn't. And we chose to spend out time with the people who love us/who we love. So that's what we're doing. Case closed. Excuse me as I make my trip to the post office. Money won't fix this problem. At this point, I don't know if anything ever will.