No Matter How Many Times This Happens, I'll Never Understand

Today I got a phone call that I'd rather not have gotten. Almost 5 years ago my SIL's youngest sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was going through treatment for the first time as my mom was going through treatment for the third time. Teresa was only 31 years old, and the mother of three. Her youngest was only 6 months old. Her little girl that she wanted so badly.

I assume most people know that the younger you are when diagnosed with this dreadful disease, the more aggressive it is. She had the finest doctors, and the best treatment, and it seemed like she had beat the cancer. She was so close to making that five-year mark. So close, but sadly she didn't make it. I must also tell you that the oldest sister was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago at the age of 37. The only positive thing about that is that Teresa and Liv can have their tests done on the same day, so that they are not alone. Well, Liv was the one who was having pain in her chest. Teresa was showing no symptoms. They both went to their tests yesterday feeling hopeful. Liv is still waiting for her results, but sadly Teresa learned that her cancer has spread to more lymph nodes and is in her sternum. Just like my mom's was during her first recurrence. My brother and I talked, he has been really shook up. He feels it is so much like my mom. And we know too much. I hate to say this, and I know some of you will try to tell me I'm wrong, but Teresa is going to die. She is 36 years old with a recurrence in her bones. She is having a bone scan today to see the extent of the disease, but the cat scan already told them bad news. My mom lived 2 1/2 years after her recurrence, and she was 48 years old. Being only 36 doesn't make her survival rate any better.

I really like Teresa. I've known her since before my brother and his wife got married. She is so funny and vibrant. And loyal. I remember talking with her at my mother's wake. I told her that my mom was hoping that she would do well. When I looked at her in her wig with her pale chemo.-induced skin, she was crying. Because my mom, another breast cancer patient who she was close to, was dead. I can't even imagine how she made it to my mom's wake. I really can't, but she did.

And now it's her turn, and I am so sad to say that. Guys, she has a 10 year-old son, an 8 year-old son, and a little girl who is only 5 years old. Plus, I can't even imagine how her husband is doing knowing that he will have to raise those kids on his own without his soulmate. Teresa's BIL went to pick up her little 5 year-old daughter, and he said it hit him when he saw the little girl come running out of building smiling. He knew, he knew that her life was never going to be the same from this day forward. How do you grow up without a mom? How? Why is this even happening? I don't understand this. I believe, really believe, that God has a reason for everything He does, but I just don't know this one. I just keep seeing that little girl running with a smile on her face, oblivious to what is happening to her her mother. Just running, just being a little kid without a care in the world. Her world is about to be turned upside down, and i can only hope that she gets more time with her mother than the few years we got with my mom after her recurrence. I hope she can remember her mother well. I pray that her memories are good and they sustain her through the pain that will come when she is missing her mom.

I feel strangely numb. I've cried, because I'm just so sad this is happening. Excuse me while i go downstairs and play with my son. It's at these times that I am reminded what family means. How important it is to hug them and tell them how you feel. Please do that today, and maybe then there will something positive that came out of something so awful. Damn it!