Shoulds

Recently, I read several articles about the environment. I believe it was due to Earth Day or something. One article had simple steps that 'you' can do to help save the environment. I usually skip these, since they never are as easy as they claim to be, and also because they tend to make me feel bad about myself. For some reason, I chose to read this one. Ever since, I have been silently telling myself what I 'should' be doing. For example:

• I should be unplugging my cellphone charger when I'm not using it. This also applies to any small appliance not in use. Apparently, there is still some electricity going through said appliance. If I don't do this, I am damaging mother earth.
• Make sure I make it clear to the kiddies to turn off the water when they aren't using it. Like when S. is brushing his teeth and still leaves the water running. This actually does drive me nuts!
• Put all recycleables in designated receptable. I cringe every time I throw junk mail in the regular garbage can. The landfills must be full of all the paper I've thrown out. Oh, and all of the disposable diapers we've used too.

I think you get the idea. The thing of the matter is that I do this with everything in my life, not just the environment. I tell myself I 'should' never raise my voice at the kids no matter what they have done. Moms aren't supposed to yell. I tell myself I 'should' call a certain friend, who I do enjoy spending time with, but doesn't understand that it is very hard to talk on the phone while the kids are up. And every time we talk, it is a very long conversation and I do most of the listening. I tell myself I need to make sure the kids eat fruits and veggies every day at at least two meals. I mean if I don't start them eating healthy now, they are going to grow up into obese adults. That would be my fault. Think of all the health risks! And today, I told myself I 'should' be happy for my SIL, Hubby's sister, who told us only an hour ago, that not only is she having twins but she's having twin girls. And we all know how much I wanted a daughter. I should be happy for her, but I'm not. Not yet, at least.