A lot of Little Things

Last week Hubby's sister brought over the twins for a visit. It was our first time seeing them, and they were SO cute! I thought holding a 10 week old baby would make me want to have another, but it didn't. It really made me realize how much I like having children who can take care of things for themselves and can communicate their wants and needs. Plus, they don't have to eat every two to three hours, which is definitely a plus! S. loves babies, and was so happy to hold one of his cousins as was I.
On Sunday, we put up our new Christmas tree. This time we bought a lovely 7 1/2 foot pre-lit tree. Boy, did that save us time! Hubby used to take 2 hours to put lights on the tree, and by the time he was done, no one really cared to put up the tree anymore. He also has blown fuses on several occasions because he put too many lights on the tree. Another thing I like about this tree is that it comes in only three pieces. On our former tree, we had individual branches. I hated having to put each branch on the tree one by one! Between those branches and the lights, well, I stopped enjoying putting up the tree! We also put a lighted train up outside, as well as under the tree. Tot LOVES trains. He now looks at them all the time, and says, "Choo-choo lights" and "Choo-choo tree" every time he wakes up and all day long. It is too cute!

***Tot, S. and Daddy putting ornaments on the tree.

Tot looking under the tree as Daddy starts to put the train up.

Oh, the Irony is NOT Lost on Me & Update

The other day, Hubster came home and told me that his company will be getting new insurance starting January 1st. This lovely plan is going to cost us a lot more money, because it covers way less than the old one. Prescriptions will, at the least, cost us $40. The amount you pay is determined on what 'level' the drug is on in their system. With all of tot's asthma medication, as well as my multiple prescriptions, we are going to be paying out of our noses. Pisses me off! At any rate, guess what they do cover now??? Infertility. The assholes cover infertility now. We lost a huge chunk of our savings, and now the bastards decide to cover it. Hubby told me to get over it. It's in the past. Now, I am not super, all consuming angry, but I have to admit that it really pisses me off. Do you know what we could have done with the thousands upon thousands we had to spend on tests for a diagnosis that only told us that there was no known cause. Then the fertility drugs, ultrasounds, blood work, consultations with the RE when nothing seemed to be working, the egg retrieval with anesthesia. Then Hubby gets a vasectomy, so no more babies for me. A year later, his company NOW would have paid for another try at having a child. Now I don't know if I even would have tried again, but it would have been nice to know that I COULD have. Oh, the irony is not lost one. Not one bit.

***We got the estimate on the bathroom. It was more than I thought it would be. We believe it's fair though. We're talking about doing it. We'll see what happens.

'80's Chic'

I hate my bathroom; I always have. However, spending thousands of dollars in fertility treatments, and the cost of actually taking care of said kids, is very expensive as most of you know. Three years ago we gutted our kitchen, because it was even worse than my bathroom! Hubby has finally agreed to getting estimates, and if we can afford it, going ahead and gutting the bathroom. The contractor just called left a message. I need to call him to find out his estimate, and I am scared it will be too much and I'll have to live in the '80's chic' bathroom forever! Now here are some pictures of the bathroom so you can all see how nasty it truly is. After you see these pictures, I ask you , could you live with this?

Above is the lovely wallpaper. Isn't it beautiful? And the faucet, the top piece fell off a few years ago. I didn'y fix it because I was determined that I was going to remodel the bathroom, so I wasn't going to spend one more dime on this bathroom.

This is the inside of my vanity. It is plywood. In the middle cabinet, apparently there was a leak, so it now is uneven and gross. Below you will the beautiful cabinetry. Nope, not really wood either. Just some kind of presswood afixed to plywood. Not even a wood veneer. How cheap and disgusting!

Oh, aren't these lights something special! Can I tell you how hard it is to apply make-up with this shabby lighting! And how ugly!

The floor below is quite impressive too. Yuk!

Excess

(click on the picture to see it better)

Do you think my youngest son has enough clothes? This does not even include his pajamas, undershirts, socks and summer clothes. I also just gave away two boxes of the clothes he's outgrown!

In my defense, I could not find a box of S.'s old clothes. I kept asking myself where certain things were, but I could not find them. He only had two outfits to wear to tumbling, so I decided I needed to go out and buy some. Being that I had the new clothes for several weeks before I found the box, I ended up washing them all. I can't return them now. He has two of many of the same things. Two exactly the same gray shirts, grey pants, multiple turtlenecks, pants, you name it. What a waste! Looking at his wardrobe I estimate that we spent over a thousand dollars on Tot's wardrobe alone. Wasn't this having two kids of the same gender supposed to keep the cost of clothing down, because one would be wearing hand-me-downs?

Several of the items I bought were from when my mom died. I am an emotional shopper big time, and it is so easy to buy kids' clothes. Rarely does one of them have to try something on. Me, well, I almost always have to try things on. With at least one child. You moms all know how easy that is. Nope, not easy at all! Kind of explains why my kids are way better dressed than I am. A friend of mine once said that I treat my boys like dolls. I am always dressing them up in nice-looking clothes. Whether its jogging pants or church clothes, everything always matches. Can you imagine me with a girl! Anyway, is anyone else like this, or am I the only kids clothing freak???

How To Make Someone Uncomfortable

Two days ago, a close co-worker of Hubby's, husband died. Did you follow that? Anyway, we plan on going to the wake. I looked in my closet for my 'wake/funeral' outfit. As I did I remembered how I had bought it for my mom's funeral. I remember going into Petite Sophisticate with Hubby and my, at the time, six-month old son. A salesperson came up to us and asked if I needed help. Since I didn't have the energy to look at the whole store, I told her that yes, I could use her help. She then asked me what I was looking for. I told her that I was looking for a suit to wear to my mother's wake and funeral. I bet she was happy she asked if I needed help! She gave me this look like she didn't know what to say. I did end up finding what I needed, and I am sure the salesperson was so glad when I left. I think that was the most uncomfortable I have made anyone feel. I think knowing that was the only thing that made me laugh for weeks to come. I mean, how would you feel if someone came up to you needing help to find an outfit to wear to their dead mother's funeral? I'm certain I ruined her day!

Difference in Opinion

This past weekend, the protesters were back at it at our Planned Parenthood Express; they don't perform abortion services that's why they are considered an 'express'. What usually bothers me about these particular protesters is the graphic signs they carry. Oh, and I can't stand how they have their children standing there with them seeing those signs for hours. But what bothers me most is that MY children have to witness these signs. I'm telling you, they are scary! I respect every person's right to make their own choices and develop their own opinions on this matter. I really do. This is America, and that right is protected under the law. I respect that. However, I do not approve of the yelling, the name-calling, and the trying to block the entrance to these clinics. Why aren't these womens' rights important?

Have your opinion on abortion. That's fine. However, abortions are only a small percentage of the services Planned Parenthood provides. Did you know they provide adoption placement, mammograms, prenatal care, STD testing and treatments as well as birth control and many other services? It's hard for me to understand why these same people are upset about birth control being provided. I mean, what century is this? I thought that had been worked out. I seriously thought most of the protesters were there because of abortions. Turns out I was not correct. The services that PP provides actually prevents more abortions from being performed. Also, a lot of these clinic are in disadvantaged, poor communities where most of these women do not have health insurance and otherwise could not afford these much needed services. I mean we all know how important prenatal care is, as well as mammograms. I can't tell you what would have happened if my mother didn't have insurance that payed for her mammograms. I suspect she would have died in a year or less. Why, oh, why would anyone want a PP clinic to be shut down? Where would these people go?

As I've said before, everyone has a right to their opinion, but don't force yours down my throat. Don't try to take away MY rights. We fought hard for womens' rights. We fought hard to be able to have birth control options. We have fought hard to be treated almost as equally as men are. Don't take that all away based on abortions preformed at PP. By the way, the World Health Organization has found that abortion rates do not decrease when it is deemed illegal by a country. Go ahead and read these blogs if you're interested in finding out more: ppaurora.blogspot.com and iamemilyx.blogspot.com.

Boys Will Be Boys!

The other day, I went to Target and bought a few 'essentials'. I admit that I did not unpack the bags right away. My boys must have seen an opportunity. When I came downstairs, I found them using my box of tampons as a road. I wish I had the camera close by. You know, as ammunition for their teenage years!

Pink

Every time November comes, I breath a sigh of relief. It's not like I don't enjoy fall, I do especially since the weather was so nice this year. The reason I don't particulary care for October is because it's Breast Cancer Awareness month. Now I am happy that so much money is raised for research during that month. We need to eradicate this disease, and like everything else, we need money to do it. It's just that everywhere I go during October there are pink ribbons, pink jewelry, pink everything. I really think that many retailers are making money off this disease. I choose to make a donation to the Susan G. Komen fund directly. Well, I admit that I do have breast cancer license plates, and only $25 of that fee goes toward breast cancer awareness. Foe those of you who don't already know, my mom died of breast cancer 4 1/2 years ago at the young age of 51. Every year during October I am bombarded with everything breast cancer. It just makes me miss my mom even more than I normally do, which is a lot.

My son's birthday also makes me very sad. Yes, I love my son and enjoy celebrating every brithday with him. The thing is that my mom was there at S.'s birth. In fact, she was the first one to hold him! My mom was pronounced terminal when S. was only 10 days old. She was given only 6-9 months to live. She survived only 6 months. S. was so special to her. She even began chemo. treatments again, something she swore she'd never do again. She said she wanted to live longer so she could see S. grow up. I remember being at her house often, and the only thing that made her feel better was holding S. We knew we were on borrowed time. Trying to fit a lifetime in mere months was overwhelming. I worried every day that I would get 'the' phone call telling me she had died during the night. I didn't want to miss that. I wanted to be there until the end. Luckily, I was.

I've saved everything that my mom bought for S. Clothes, books, puzzles. She even bought some things for him to open when he was older. She also wrote him a letter, as she did for me. On S.'s birthday, I got down his memory boxes. I felt he was old enough now to appreciate and understand. As I went through each of the things that I saved, I had tears in my eyes. I didn't expect to feel that way. Seeing my mom's handwriting on his Christening card, first Valentine's Day card etc. really was hard for me. Earlier I thought it would be cool to show S. the tapes we had made from when he was a baby. The first one had my mom in it. My mom and I were sitting on the couch going through the scrapbook she made for my 30th birthday. As the camera was on us, you could hear our conversation. It was so easy, it flowed. It reminded me again what a special relationship we had. And it's over. We can never get it back. After that video were the videos of S.'s fifth and sixth month. The sixth month one was especially hard for me. I know now that she only had a few days left until she died. I didn't know that then. Maybe ignorance is bliss. I don't know. After that part of the video, I had to leave the room. I ran upstairs and sobbed, something I haven't done in a long time. I hadn't seen those tapes since right after she died. I can't believe they affected me this way, but they did. I thought it would be good to see them, but it wasn't.

Yesterday I sighed in relief until I realized it would have been my parents' 38th wedding anniversary. I made sure I called my dad right away because it is always a hard day for him. Too many things on the calendar that make us remember her. Some are good, but some are bad. Strangely, though, she has been in my dreams every night for months. This happened first right after she died, but it's been awhile since it's been that way. The dream mainly goes like this. She looks as though she's dying, but comes back healthy again. Then I realize she is still going to die, and I get very sad. This is kind of like her life was. She would have ups and downs. We never knew what to expect, and I still have guilt over what I wished I had done for her. I guess hindsight is 20/20. Today is November 2nd. The holidays are coming, but that's a whole other post.