I just got a phone call from a good friend of ours. She is divorcing her husband. She and her husband were one of the couples we loved spending time with. We were so alike, and loved many of the same things. We have been friends for longer than Hubby and I have even been married. Her husband and I worked together, and hit it off, so we decided to get together with our significant others. From that first night out, we became close friends.
Together, we've gone through the beginnings of marriage, the birth of children as well as discussing our jobs as teachers. They supported us through infertility as well as my mother's death. We went to each others children's birthday parties, and loved going downtown to visit museums or have dinner sans kids. Basically, we loved them. They were family to us.
I feel like I am one of the children in regards to the disappointment and dread I feel in the pit of my stomach right now. And no, we had absolutely no idea. Two years ago, they moved about an hour from here, so we don't see each other as often as we'd like to. However, the last time we saw them, everything seemed good. They seemed to be the good couple they had always been. No, things were not perfect, but I don't know anyone's marriage that is. I just don't know what to say. I have never been in this position before. I hope we can continue to be friends with both of them, but is that even possible? Can it become a reality? I certainly don't want to choose sides, and I don't think they would expect that, but I don't know. This is new territory for me. What do you do in a situation like this? Any advice or personal stories about it and what you did would be appreciated. I'm currently still in shock about this, and I am very, very sad.
5 comments:
Ugh! I have no idea! My husband and I each have a friend who got divorced, but we hadn't truly bonded with the spouses, so there's nothing wierd there for us not to be around the spouse or having to choose sides or anything like that. It sounds like you guys are truly friends with both of the people, so I don't think you actually could or should choose sides. That situation just really stinks! I guess since you don't live right by them, you won't have encounters where you are with one of them and run into the other, or happen to be there when one spouse has to pick up the kids or something like that. I guess I would just try to be supportive of both of them.
I am so sorry that this is happening to your friends. My husband and I were in a similar situation a few years ago. One of his best friend's from high school got married the year before us and a few years into our marriages we all became very close (going out almost weekly, their kids asked for us to come over all the time, hanging out at each other's houses constantly). Unlike your situation, there's ended in such a horribly bad way (cheating on the side of the wife) that it was pretty easy to "choose sides", no matter how much we didn't want to and how awful it was. I swear, people in our chuch came up to me and said how sorry they were about the two of them because they knew how close her and I were - they were actually worried about me too.
Anyway, I would say, if things aren't as cut and dry as that, just try to be friends to both as best as you can. No one knows all the information and you only ever hear one version and aspect of the story. Hopefully you're able to help them through this, even though it will be very hard on you too, and definitely will feel like a huge loss.
I am sorry to hear about your friends news. I do not have any words of wisdom to offer. I hope you will not have to choose a side.
Wow, that would be really hard. We have not been in that situation ourselves...like Colleen, we both have friends who have been through divorces, but they were couples where we were friends with one or the other of them, not both.
My parents have friends who went through a divorce fairly recently, and they were like that together. We all went on family vacations together, etc. The two get along still, so they do go to lunch with my parents all together (which I think is kind of odd) fairly often, but more often it'll be my mom meeting the woman for lunch, or my dad catching up with the guy on ocassion. Unfortunately it's not the same as it was. I'm not sure how it can be.
I'm really sorry for you guys and for your friends. It's sad when marriages break up.
So sorry to hear about your friends.
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