Hold Me!

This year is the year that S. starts kindergarten. On Tuesday night, his school had an orientation to familiarize the kids, as well as the parents, with the routines, expectations, where the rooms are, as well as meeting the teacher. I didn't realize that S. starting kindergarten would be hard for me in more than one way. Walking down the hallway and seeing all of the recently decorated classrooms, and listening to his teacher made me miss my job so much! I am used to being on the other side. I'm used to being the teacher who talks with the parents at open house. Did I also mention that S.'s school is in the same district as the one I used to teach in, and that I have been to that building, and have even met his teacher? That I could tell him exactly where everything is? Man, was that weird!


On Sunday, I had my official 'meltdown'. I can't believe my miracle baby, the baby we tried so long and hard to have, was now old enough to go to 'regular' school. He had been nervous all week, and had so much energy that I think that was how God made his leaving easier for me!


Hubby was able to work from home, so he could be there with me to walk S. to the bus stop, as well as pick him up. S. didn't know Daddy was staying home, so this was a big surprise to him! Another surprise for us is that the weather sucked! It rained, and rained and rained! Of course, after we got him on the bus, it stopped. All I can say is, it's a good thing he's a boy, because we didn't have to worry about fixing his hair.

S. has been so excited about going on the school bus all summer long. He looked a bit nervous as he boarded the bus, but he found a seat quickly and off he went! Turning around to go home was bittersweet. I was so excited for him, but at the same time I was a little sad. My baby was 'officially' a kindergartener, and he is moving farther and farther away from me.


It has been a hard adjustment for me. This kindergarten thing. My days are completely different. S. has afternoon kindergarten which means that I have to get him to the bus by 11:30. It is almost impossible to plan something for the morning. Then he is only at school two and a half hours, making only a few short trips possible. No more plays, trips to the zoo, trips to a playground, lunches out with friends or play old hanging out and doing crafts.To be honest, though, I don't deal well with change. Never have, and probably never will. Sunday nights have been hard for me lately. At least Hubby is there to talk to.

About four weeks prior to school starting, I called his principal to let her know about S.'s math abilities, so she could let his teacher know. His principal was nice and all, and even suggested maybe sending him to first grade for math. She also switched him to a teacher she felt would be better able to service/challenge him well, however she never told S.'s teacher about him. I felt like an ass when I brought S. up to her, and introduced him like she should have already known who he was, as well as his special needs. When she looked at me quizzingly, I asked her if the principal told her about S. You could tell she was peeved at her principal. I mean orientation/open house is not the time to find out that you have a student with special needs, that are not learning disabled but rather has a higher ability level. Our school district is full-inclusion, which basically means a student has to have a disability that is severe in order to be put in a self-contained classroom. (I could tell you stories!) I feel badly for S.'s teacher since she has both ends of the spectrum in her classroom. I've been there, and I can tell you how hard it is to meet every one's needs. It's almost impossible.

As I told the principal, we are going to give this school a try and see what happens. She acknowledged that S. could get bored or not want to come to school. I agree. I will be an advocate for my son. I know this district inside and out, and I know how they pull the wool over parents' eyes. Most times parents don't know that their child has a classroom with children with major learning disabilities and behavior disabilities. I'm not talking about children in wheelchairs with merely physical disabilities. I actually feel that benefits kids, and makes them more compassionate. I'm talking about having children with autism, not minor autism, children with major emotional/behavior disorders that bring box cutters to school in the THIRD grade. Students delivered by the police several times a week. Students who disrupt the entire class when their parent forgot/didn't want to give them their medicine. Students' parents that threaten you in front of other children; that actually happened to me! The police would stand out in the hallway then. I could tell you some awful stories, because I was the teacher who would get these students, because I was so good with them! Thanks!

The main thing that would bother me is these students have to be pulled from the classroom many times, and we were told that we could not teach anything else when they were gone, because they couldn't miss any of that instruction. I always tried to schedule my special needs pull-out in the mornings when I had 'Daily Oral Language' because I would simply type up what I put on the board, and when they came back they could follow with us as we went over that skill. I always felt badly for the parents, because I couldn't tell them the extent of the problem. Well, now you see why I am reluctant to send S. to this district. Now before you think we live in a bad school district, it actually has high test scores. Teachers bust their asses for this to happen. (We also have a gifted program that is in a self-contained classroom, which certainly helps.) I won't go on about my disdain over these 'tests'. I will only say that I don't like them.


Well, enough about the bad stuff. The good things are that S. likes going to school. He likes riding the bus, and feeling like a big boy. He tells his brother all about kindergarten. It's too cute! He seems to like his teacher, and loves their snack of chocolate milk and graham crackers. I hear all about that!


I'll leave you with a picture of my big boy getting on the bus. Tugs at my heartstrings every time he climbs onto that bus. I have to remember he's a big boy now, and I have to let him go whether I want to or not, and I'd rather not.