The Good Wife?

I am sitting here very tired at almost 9:00PM. Steve is in bed, put there by mommy, the downstairs is picked up, directed by mommy. I did this on the floor even though I swore I wouldn't. Reason: my son will do a half-assed job, even by two-year old standards, if I'm not right there so he knows that I know that he's not really cleaning up. Where is my husband? Oh, no not at work. Actually, the good news is that busy season has officially ended so now he'll be home at a more reasonable time. So for two weeks, things will be back to normal around here. After that, all hell breaks loose as baby boy #2, now officially known as Ryan Michael, arrives. Oh, yah, where IS my husband you ask??? At basketball. Then out for drinks at a bar where I hear only adults go.

I feel a bit guilty complaining, but then I think maybe I shouldn't. But maybe I should. Reasons for feeling like I might be being selfish about this all. #1---He took care of Steve all weekend long. He let me sleep in. I did not change one diaper. #2---He has been working long hours for almost 4 months which he hasn't exactly enjoyed either. #3---This job enables me to stay home with our children, which I do enjoy most of the time. Or I know is important, or the right thing for me to do, or something like that. Ask me when I'm not pregnant or recovering from a c-section. #4---He did all the laundry. And brought the basket upstairs the same day. I will put my stuff and Steve's away. He will put his own clothes away.

Reasons why I feel upset, and a little angry, that Jeff is at basketball. #1--- I am 9 months pregnant. Enough said there. #2 Steve is 2 1/2 years-old. Enough said there. #3--- I have been taking care of Steve pretty much exclusively Monday-Friday for four months so Jeff could do all the work he had to do. He never had to worry about getting off of work in time to pick Steve up from daycare or the like. He knows I am always here, and that Steve is in good hands. And to be honest, me not working almost saves us money. We did the calculations, and with child-care and other work related expenses, plus having to pay more taxes due to our dual income, well I almost would be paying to work. Remember I am a teacher in a middle-class suburb. Loved the job, not the salary. #4---When does my busy season end???? #5--- Jeff came home at 5:30 to eat and then left at 6:15. Yah, no help there. And he won't be home until 10:30. Nice to see you honey! #6---One of the few times we went out sans Steve, we went to dinner with his boss. The time before that, we went to his company party. I am always the 'good wife', I feel. I go to the parties, the dinners, the plays, and yes I do sometimes enjoy them. But I also would like my husband to plan a night for just the two of us. I actually had to remind him yesterday that it would be nice to go to dinner next Saturday by ourselves since I would be having another one of his children the following week. Gosh, I'm a bitch. #7---Mother's Day will be at his parent's house. I will be going. Ever since my mom died I dread this holiday. Last year, I didn't go anywhere. I had paid to do a breast cancer walk in memory of my mom. I even bought the supplies to make Steve a shirt that said 'Walking in memory of my Grandma'. Needless to say, that shirt never got made, and I only got out of bed that day to go to the cemetary. So if I do make it, or try, to my IL's house on Sunday it is a HUGE thing.
Anyway, I feel like lately I am doing a lot for my husband and just wish he wouldn't make me feel guilty when I say I need some help. I do know, and appreciate, that Jeff does more than the average males that we know. But still, I don't feel like he gets it when I tell him how tired I am, how uncomfortable I am, how I can be in pain from a baby doing flip-flops in my belly where there is no longer any room. Every woman I have talked to gets this, of course, because they've been there. Am I being selfish by wanting my husband here? For wanting him to feel a little of how I feel every day? To feel appreciated?