My First Baby

It's hard to believe S. is almost four years old, and in preschool! As I drove up the first time, I thought I'd have no problem. I mean, I had been looking forward to this day for a long time, and so had he! However, emotions are a funny thing. They sneak up on you in ways you never expected. As I, in my van, waited in the line of other cars I felt something in my throat. That's odd, I thought. I'm not going to be one of those parents. You know, the ones who can't seem to cut the cord already! Then I started to remember my little boy. I remembered seeing him for the first time, how inept I was at being a mom in the beginning, how it was just the two of us after my mom died and hubby went back to work. It was always the two of us. He became my buddy, my best friend. There were times when I only wanted to be around him. He didn't 'expect' me to snap out of my pain, nor put on a huge show of how wonderful everything was. With him, I was free to be who I really was at that time. He just wanted his mommy close by. He just wanted mommy to play with him, or sing and dance with him. Sometimes I had to turn on the radio so I wouldn't lose it and cry over missing my mom. S. to this day, still loves music. And now the Tot does too. They both dance when they hear music on.

So, the first day of organized schooling caught me a bit off-guard. I know that S. can be difficult at times, but the truth is this boy has changed my life in the best ways possible. He has made me a better person. Thus, as I try to mold him into a caring, respectful, intelligent, and confident young man, he is doing the same to me. I definitely am more confident, loving and empathetic, and I have my first baby to thank for that.

***Teachermom, notice how there is no date on the picture of S. Thought you'd like that:)