Frustrated

Just a few short hours after my last post, I got my period. So that makes my cycle this month the longest I've ever had. Oh, and the most painful period that I have had since before the Tot was conceived. Prior to conceiving the Tot, I thought that my periods were getting more and more painful because of all the hormonal fertility medications I was taking. Even my RE said that the fertility meds. were likely causing the endometriosis to grow faster, thus more pain. For the past 21 months, I have had pain around my periods but nothing like before. Yah, until yesterday. I do remember just how painful my endometriosis was, but somehow after not suffering from it in the past 2 years I seemed to have forgotten how debilitatating it can be. These last 21 months, Ibroprofen pretty much would take care of the pain. Only one 200mg tablet would do the trick. Yesterday I took a much higher dose which did me no good. Actually, it gave me a stomachache.

I finally gave Hubby a call around 3:30PM. He left work an hour later to help me. Luckily the Tot took an awesome nap, and S. has been very empathetic. He kept asking me, "Mommy, are you feeling better? Are you all right?" Such a sweetie! Hubby even took the boys to church by himself last night for Christian Fellowship Night. S. looks forward to it, and now that he knows his days of the week, he knows his class with his buddies is on Wednesday. Hubby even went to our parenting class by himself. What a guy! When they all got home, S. came up to my side of the bed, climbed up, gave me a kiss, and asked how I was. I tell you, that little boy is going to make a great husband some day!

This morning I did feel better. I am still feeling some pain, but it's more managable. Damn this endometriosis. Now I think I better make an appointment to see my gynecologist, and then ask for a doctor he would recommend to treat my endo. Not that there's a lot of options. However, now that I'm not trying to have babies, my fertility doctor isn't the right doctor to see about this anymore. Besides, the surgery he performed back in February of 04' did nothing to lessen the pain, so what's the point? I need to see a doctor who specializes in endo. Lovely. I am very frustrated. I am also scared. I've been through this before, and I know that there aren't a lot options. My own mother had a hystectomy at 29 yearsof age because of this dreadful disease. I do not want to do that, although that is what my RE told me I'd probably have to do. I do not want any more surgeries; I want to avoid them at all costs. I do not want to take the Lupron injection because of its side effects--see this blog to find out why--, I tried accupuncture, I've taken the birth control pill continuously so I have no period, but nothing offers me relief. Well, the birth control pills helped take some of the pain away, but the side effects from taking them were not good. No sex drive, and off and on breakthrough bleeding with pain just doesn't seem to make it worth taking. Plus, I still have my mom's voice in my head telling me, "Promise me you'll never take the pill." She feels all the years she was on the pill may have contributed to her breast cancer. My head knows that the pill she was taking had a much higher dose of hormones in it, but my heart wonders if maybe she's right. I don't know. All I do know is I don't want to be in pain anymore. I like to go, go, go and not being able to do that really bothers me. I don't want my boys to have to worry about me and how I'm feeling. I want to be a good mom and a good wife. I want to feel normal.