Damned Tired With No End in Sight

I think I've mentioned several times that Hubby works a lot of hours. I know my complaining all the time about it probably makes you think: A. I'm a whiner, or B. She's lucky her husband has a job at all in this economy. Even if you haven't thought that, I have. The truth here is Hubby has been traveling out of the country for several weeks. He is now in the U.S., but he has so much work here to catch up on that he has been working 12 hour days. I kid you not. He gets to work at 6AM, and leaves at 6PM, which has not left a whole lot of time with the family. Yep, we both are burned out.
I remember when I was working, if I needed to make an appointment of any kind it had to be on Saturday. Guess what? That same theory applies to Hubby as well. Which means that tomorrow, he will be at the doctors. His appointment happens to be at noon; the middle of the day. I swear guys, if I have to make one more lunch, one more dinner, hell, one more damn breakfast I am going to pop. It is all me all the time. I think the boys are even getting tired of seeing my face! Hubby hates all of this time away just as much as I do, which means I can't have a major bitch fest. No one else would want to listen to me yell, so I guess I have to keep it in. This translates to 'Mama's going to blow--watch out!' to my kids. I have just lost any and all patience. It's been a month, with no end in sight. There's just so much work to be done. I feel badly for my kids. I have been cleaning majorly all week in what I know is my attempt to control my environment. My little coping mechanism. Yeah, I've learned a lot in therapy. Well, today I told the kids that I have cleaned and they better not make any messes because did you not hear me, I just cleaned! I picked up a can of Hubby's half finished can of Diet Coke that was on the counter AGAIN, that apparently he has a major damn problem with putting anything in the damn garbage, OR emptying the damn dishwasher, and drained its contents all the while yelling that, "Your father left another can on the counter unfinished, and I just cleaned." All I really do not like bashing my husband in front of the boys. My poor sensitive little S., upon completion of his lunch, took out the garbage can, and told me he was going to push the stuff down like I do. And he did. He even told me he is going to clean the family room after 'quiet time', when I ranted about the family room being a mess AGAIN. He gave me an awesome hug too. Wouldn't you love to live in my house? It's stress city over here.

Hubby took time off to go to S.'s preschool graduation, too cute!, and then I dropped him off. Tot cried,"Daddy!", which made Hubby and I feel horrible. Well, it mainly made Hubby feel horrible. I smiled like a Cheshire cat to myself. Tot cries whenever Hubby leaves these days. I have to try to calm him down by telling him that Daddy is coming back, which usually does not work. It also takes him a day or so to adjust to Hubby being home. Until then, whenever he gets hurt, he runs to Mommy, which makes Hubby feel bad. Do you see a theme here? We both feel bad a lot.

I am burned out. I'll say it again. I am majorly burned out, and I don't know what to do about it. I dream of taking the weekend off, and staying at a spa, and having massages... It's all a dream, though, because nothing ever changes around here. I am alone with the kids all the time, and I have yet to accept it.