Invisible Mom and Wife

Have you ever felt invisible? I do right now. As I've mentioned before, S.'s kindergarten schedule makes it almost impossible to do anything. Even when I am at a class or MOPS, I have to leave early. I am the MOPS coordinator and I have to leave an hour early so that I can get home in enough time to feed S. and get him on the bus. My days are no longer my own.

I have always looked forward to the weekends, mainly because Hubby is home. Him being home means I can actually go out myself. I can get my hair done, and not worry if I'm going to make it to an appointment on time. My friends amd I can have a girls' night out. Saturdays are great! This Saturday Hubby had to go into the office, and then he brought his laptop home to do even more work. See the boys look forward to Saturdays almost as much as I do. It's their 'Daddy Time', which is important for them all. Since Hubby couldn't be with them, I tried to make it up to them, but I know I'm not their father. I am trying to be both mommy and daddy, and to tell you the truth, I am afraid I'm not doing either one well enough.

I feel like the more Hubby has to work, the more things I take over. For example, Hubby used to take the boys with him to get their hair cuts. After S.'s hair was looking pretty scruffy, he got mad and told Hubby he needed a haircut. It was funny because I was thinking the same thing! Well, I finally took both kids to the barber. It needed to be done, and I know Hubby would appreciate having one less thing on his plate. Sometimes, though, I just feel like the nanny. I just attend to other peoples' needs.

Yesterday the kids were being all bossy and telling me what to do for them. Their attitudes were so bad, that I put them in their rooms. Believe me, it was the best thing for us all. I am a ball of stress lately, so treating me like hired help was not going over well with me.

Another thing that bothers me is since I never really get to go anywhere, I don't have a reason to spend more time to make myself look good. This bothers me because even when I had a baby, most of the time I managed to put a little powder and/or lipstick on. That's just me. I love make up. It's my 'thing.' I still do put some make up on, but I don't worry too much if my clothes, makeup etc doesn't look good. I only go to Tot's preschool drop-off and S.'s bus stop. The barber now too. (Maybe I should see if the barber can cut my hair too. One less thing to worry about!) I feel frumpy and old. I see lines on my face that weren't there just five years ago. The stress has shown up on my face. Yeah, I even pull my face upward to see what it used to look like with no wrinkles! Oh, and a little Botox. I swore, swore I would never touche the stuff. I probably still won't, but there are those days....

Sorry to be such a complainer. This day was better than yesterday, but I am still feeling angry and burned out. Stressed to the max!