Wednesday, June 01, 2005
I'm Scared!
As my last entry states, I was feeling good. Hell, on Monday I felt great! Today I woke up teary eyed. Now in the last two weeks I've had my moments, but they always passed. Today it didn't pass, and as of 9:15PM, I am now going on about 12 hours of on and off crying and feeling like shit. Feeling how I felt when I had the PPD with Stephen. I keep telling myself that with Stephen I felt terrible from the moment he was born, and Ryan is already 2 weeks old. I mean what the hell is wrong with me? If this is PPD again I am really pissed. Pissed because I did EVERYTHING I could think of to make it not happen again. I am on two anti-depressants as well as oral progesterone, what more can I DO? We went to the cemetary to show my mom Ryan and I just cried. I NEED her; she helped me through this the last time. I am calling my OB tomorrow. I need to tell him what is going on as well as to tell him I only had a week and a half of bleeding, no bleeding for 5 days and now bleeding again. I am bottle-feeding. Are my hormones all fucked up? Is this normal? Can someone offer me their opinion here? I am not sure what normal is after having a baby.
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3 comments:
Hey, Bev.
Sorry to hear you're having trouble. My PPD doesn't kick in until a few months after the birth, usually when I return to work, so I can't tell you if this is just adjusting hormones or not. Early on after my births, I would go through some serious emotional rollercoasters, but it wasn't as bad as when PPD does set in. I can say that I know it sucks, and I'm sorry. I hope you find something that helps soon.
I also breastfeed, so I don't know if bottlefeeding (or, rather, not breastfeeding) is effecting your lochea. But I do know that my lochea this last birth (my third, in late January) ebbed and, LOL, flowed over a few months. It would almost go away, and then there would be a few days of heavier bleeding, including rather large clots. Lovely, eh?
Hang in there. PPD does eventually pass. But damn if it isn't tough.
Thank you so much for posting. It helps to hear from others who have gone through, and overcome, PPD too.
Bev
Bev -
I saw your message on my board.
Please hang in there. It's only been 2 weeks and your life is turned upside down. Did these feelings intensify when you took the kids to the cemetary?
Does your health plan have a 24 hour nurse line that maybe you can talk to someone nice who know's something or atleast can reassure you? I really do not know PPD but I do know major depression - it is horrible.
As far as your husband taking the week of work unpaid - it's only money. You'll be fine. Stop feeling guilty. Go to bed for a few days if you need. Maybe you can go for a message or something.
Let me know - I can call you if you need me.
Jen
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