Yesterday these things happened all at the same time: Ryan screamed to be fed, Steve cried for attention, the dog was whining, and the phone kept continuously ringing as I was preparing Ryan's food. ALL AT THE SAME TIME PEOPLE! I wanted to crawl in a hole. So many people wanted me at the same time. Ryan won, being the youngest and all.
Speaking of Ryan, I have been feeling intense guilt over the fact that I cannot spend the time with him that I spent with Steve when he was a baby. I feel like I'm constantly putting him somewhere, the pack n' play, the bouncy seat, the swing, the playmat...so I can do something else that needs to be done, like feed Steve, do laundry, etc..... I feel like I am failing him as a parent. I feel like I am doing well with Steve, but I feel Ryan gets jipped. I also feel like I am getting jipped. I have no time for myself anymore. My husband is fantastic, so it's not that he doesn't try to give me my own time, most of the time, but it seems like we both always have a kid with us. Does anyone else feel this way?????
I just feel like something is always lacking, whether it's the laundry, the constant clean-up, or TRYING to phone friends. Sometimes I feel like I am out of the loop with my moms group because I am not making much of an effort to stay in touch. I am just so tired that if it is between taking a nap or calling a friend, I'd sooner take the nap. Not that I get to take long, heavenly naps anymore. Hell, I am happy when Steve is napping and Ryan's being quiet. Sometimes I just feel like enjoying the silence, but then I feel like I miss having that close girlfriend. I know I need to make more of an effort than just going to the weekly events or the hundredth birthday party, but I am just so damn tired and emotionally spent AND OVERWHELMED!
1 comment:
Babies are overwhelming. It's okay to feel that way. I'm glad we have our blogs to vent. Some days I can't believe we actually spaced these two this close and other days I'm forever grateful.
I also can relate on the "are you going to try for that girl" comment. We started getting it before I even delivered Joshua. It is pretty annoying. I always deny it, but we actually do plan on having one more. We're not pro-one gender over the other, but a girl would be nice. I think that is our business though and yes, the question does become quite annoying.
Hope you feel better soon! I think you need to go out and have a night of your own. Come to Houston... we'll go out together!
Take care, you!
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