We went to Ryan's 2 month check-up complete with the lovely FOUR shots! Ryan handled it well, as did Stephen who was very confused as to why he wasn't the one getting naked. Steve is not afraid of going to the doctor, or really, anywhere for that matter. At any rate, Ry-Ry weighs 12 pounds, 8 ounces already, and is 22 1/4 inches tall. For reference sake, Steve was 22 inches at birth. So now I am looking at Ryan wondering how in the hell did Steve ever fit inside me. Remember, I am not a big woman. However, Steve weighed almost exactly the same at the same age as Ryan, he was just 2 inches taller.
As Ryan was getting his shots I said to him that I know how he felt; I did IVF. I don't know why doctors and nurses don't know what IVF is until you say in vitro, but they don't; it has happened several times to me. I have to say in vitro or forget it, they look at me like I'm speaking a foreign language. Anyway, I was asked how many shots I had to have, and I said around 70 which is actually a lot less than I really had. Jeff and I did a count. He gave me 63 progesterone injections, and I gave myself around 40-50 shots. I can't really remember since there would be between two-4 shots each day. It varied. Yah, it was LOTS of fun! The doctor looks at me and asked me if it was worth it. I got this huge smile on my face, felt that warm and fuzzy feeling, and replied, "Definitely."
When I read my journal entries from last year, I can almost feel the feelings of despair, frustration and utter sadness. I don't understand how I could have forgotten exactly how that felt, but I have. I feel like I have crossed over to the other side. I am done with having babies; I am done with infertility. It has been such a part of my life for so long that it feels strange NOT to be thinking about it. Some days I think to myself, 'What time do I have to go in to Dr. S's?', and then I remember I don't have to go to Dr. S's any longer. I haven't had a vaginal ultrasound since October. I have only had between 4-5 bloodtests since then as well, including when I gave birth. It's weird. I think momoftwo, sorry forgot how to link, said it felt surreal and I agree. I also feel relief...... and it feels so good. I don't get the questions about when I am going to have children, am I going to have ANOTHER child and when anymore. I do, however, get the 'Are you going to try for the girl?' question ALL THE TIME! And when I say no, some people actually say, ' So you're NEVER going to have a girl?' Um, no. That's right. And really people, even if it was easy for me to get pregnant and we decided to 'try' for the girl, is there really any guarantee we would have a girl. No, that's what I thought. So for those of you who have both a girl and a boy, be happy that you are spared that lovely question because it gets old and quite annoying after awhile. BUT, it is still better than the questions we used to receive, and for that I am grateful.
We are also searching for a part-time sitter, I hestitate to say nanny like some of my friends do, to help me out. I can only explain why we are doing this briefly. We can no longer for sanity's sake rely on a certain person who has been 'helping', which is a relative term isn't it?, to help me any longer. And with the PPD, some 'help' is a good idea. Not that I can't do it myself, because I can, but it has been suggested to me that it would be beneficial for my recovery to hire someone. I only will have this person come two days a week, and maybe one evening so Jeff and I can have some time to foster our own relationship which will benefit us all. I am calling my church tomorrow as well as my former christian college. Hopefully, we will find someone that won't break our bank. We have decided to forgo some other things to make this happen. It is necessary. I wish my mom was alive to help, but she's not and I just have to accept this is the best way to go. I wish I could say more, but let's just say an incident similar to the one Kelly at the woman wonders experienced awhile back would likely occur, and I just don't need that stress right now. So if any of you have ever hired someone, please tell me how you found your sitter/nanny, and what questions etc. I need to ask. My children have never had a sitter outside of our family, except the woman at our church's nursery on Sunday mornings. I know, I know, it's time. It's definitely time.
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