A Happy, Yet Dysfunctional, Holiday Was Had By All

I really had high hopes for this holiday. First, no in-laws to visit, enough said there, this was the third Thanksgiving since my mom passed away and it is getting easier, and we were eating Thanksgiving dinner at my brother's which is always delicious. Well, J.'s sister and her husband were set to come by in the morning to visit with us and the boys. It had been since the infamous christening that we had seen them. Now we knew that J.'s poor sister has been really stressed out as my ILs have been putting her in the middle of our situation; we still refuse to say anything about it to her. We believe it is between J.'s parents and us, so why say anything to anyone else? Besides, they are her parents, and who really wants to hear bad things about their parents?! Basically, the ILs have spoken quite badly about us to nearly everyone, as far as we can tell. J. told me they believe that I had this all planned out since we got married. That I have been trying to get rid of them. As I told J., if that was true, then I haven't been very efficient, have I? I mean we've been married over 7 years! At any rate, J.'s sister did come Thursday morning, but her husband refused to. He went to work-out while she was at our house. We don't really know her husband well; they've only been married a little over a year and live in another state. However, he is R.'s God-father. He is angry at us, apparently, but he has only heard one side. Again, we refuse to share why it is that we are not speaking ot J.'s parents. I do think it is pretty self-righteous to deny seeing your nephews when you don't even know the situation, and when it is obvious that seeing our children is important to his wife. I mentioned to J. that we could have refused to see him when he and J.'s sister started dating because he was married. He said he had been trying to find his wife who left, and when he did the divorce would be final. It sounded pretty shady to J. and I, but we decided to meet him first, and support J.'s sister whatever her decision was. It was between her and this man, not us. And after we got to know him, we liked him. He did get a divorce, and I think they are happily married. Anyway, the old saying, Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, comes to mind. The problem is that J.'s sister says this is all negatively affecting her marriage. J.'s mom talks to her nearly every day. J.'s sister knows that my MIL is depressed, and is trying to get her to get some help, so hopefully she will and maybe this situation will get better. On Thursday, J.'s sister said she is 'in the middle of all this', and J. said that we didn't put her there, his parents did. If they wouldn't talk to her about the situation then she wouldn't be in the middle. I just feel so bad for her because of her husband, and of course what her parents are doing to her. I'm sure she is relieved to be back at home now.

Yesterday, she stopped by after church and gave us all our Christmas gifts since she will not be coming home for Christmas. She didn't last year either, and I have no problem with that. However, my FIL if you remember, did not come to Christmas dinner last year because we did not see them on Christmas Eve. Very hypocritical. Oh, and J.'s poor sister was told to give us a letter written to us by his parents. Now they are using God and Jesus in their letters, and Christian forgiveness, which I am sorry but if they had lived their life according to Christ's word then this never would have happened in the first place. Remember it was them who made a scene in God's house on our son's Christening Day, so don't pull that shit on us. That letter just made things worse. They are trying to manipulate us so they can see their grandchildren. They will say whatever they think we want to hear, so that can happen. The letters started in October with name-calling, "How can you be so cruel?' to now using God. They are very transparent. J.'s father is used to getting what he wants; used to being able to talk people into things; he's an excellent salesman, but we are not buying it. And until J.'s mother gets help, there is no point in doing the mediation. I needed help, and I got it which has greatly benefitted my children, my husband as well as myself. Why can't she do the same? There is no shame in being depressed. Get the help you need. Well, she goes to Florida next month after the holiday so we won't be able to do the mediation until at least April.

On Saturday I had my mom's side of the family over, and we had such a good time. I love them! J. does too. My one cousn has two boys as well. S. and J. are only 2 weeks apart. R. and baby J. are only 4 DAYS apart. S. and J. played together and had fun, well, when they weren't beating on each other. Both kids are not aggressive, but Saturday, wow, what a difference! We're going to get together more, so that should be fun.

We celebrated the first Sunday of Advent yesterday, and S. seemed to really enjoy watching us light the candle. We tried to teach him that the world used to be dark, turned the ligths off, and when Jesus came there was light again, turn the lights on. We talked a bit more, but being only three that was enough.

Now my favorite parts/ pictures of the holiday weekend. Oh, and in case you're wondering what I am holding up in that picture, it is a Pottery Barn gift certificate. I have had my eye on a lamp there which I want to put next to my comfy chair in the living room so, should I ever have the time, I can read. Peace out.
My three boys; the love of my lives!