I Am Putting My Foot Down

I love the town that we live for many reasons. There are lots of family related activities, programs for moms, and many senior events. The quality of life here is very good. Most homes are well-kept, lawns mowed, etc. In our neighborhood, we know most of the people, and many of them built the houses 20 years ago when this area was mainly farmland. Our particular neighborhood is your standard mid-western town. People know one another, tend to watch out for each others kids and love to sit, or just stand, and talk. I'm not saying it's perfect, but it is definitely not a 'keep up with the Jones' type of neighborhood. In fact, when we put in our new kitchen, neighbors asked if they could come inside and take a look; we had reconfigured the lay-out. Everyone seemed to be very interested in how it was down, and several of the men who are in construction-related fields told us how well it was built. No one has re-modeled their kitchen since ours; they just wanted to come look at how we had done it and were happy for us.

Unfortunately, our town is becoming increasing affluent to the point where our neighbors have pointed out that they could not even afford to buy their own houses today. Our house has increased by more than $150,000 in the last 7 years. Yes, it has way more than doubled, and no I would not pay that kind of money. At least not for the way that it looked when we bought it. I don't even want to tell you what our tax assessment looked like when we opened it today. However, at least our neighborhood is still the kind of neighborhood that I feel proud to live in. The values are strong. And relatively speaking, we pay a lot less than the neighborhoods to the west of us. The neighborhoods where the houses are reaching over a million dollars, and where you won't get much for $500,000. Now I have lived in California and know that $500, 000 wouldn't buy you a shack, but here in Illinois the prices are lower, and the weather can be pretty shitty, and you know- we don't have a view of any sorts, unless you count being able to see into your neighbor's house when the leaves fall a view, which I do not. The side effect of all of this is that many of the people that are SAHMs have a lot of moola. Now I am not going to play the 'oh, I am so poor card', because I consider my family to be very blessed. We have had major medical bills in the past 3 years due to infertility, PPD, doctors, and therapy, plus our insurance will only cover vaccinations up to a certain dollar amount, so once you spend it they aren't paying a dime more. And we have fantastic insurance. I don't know how other people do it. My insurance when I was a teacher did not cover well-child visits or vaccinations, so you had highly educated people going to the free-clinic to get their childrens' shots, which is ridiculous in my opinion. Anyway, back to the point. We spent so much money on medical bills last year that we qualified to recieve a portion of it back with our tax refund. The IVF was a big reason we spent so much. Anyway, even with all that money being spent, we are still doing well. The problem that I am having is that many children in our town 'expect' to get everything they want, and they do.

This has been happening even in my own circle of friends. I am currently reading Goodnight, Nobody by Jennifer Weiner, and in it the main character talks about how the moms are always one-upping each other. For example, if one mom only buys organic vegetables for her kids, another mom is growing her own vegetables in her garden, etc.... All of these kids, even mine, have way too much stuff. They have everything. They have the best, and lots of it. In the past year, the moms have decided to have birthday parties for all the kids. These parties are not low maintenance. They have a theme, people. One party had a bug theme. We went on a bug hunt in the backyard after we swam in the new in-ground pool that is in back of the house that features two turrets. The containers that the 'bugs' were put in were wood and had each child's name painted on it. The food even had a bug theme to it. And the party favors? A CD of bug songs for the older kids, and a bug stuffed animal for the younger kids. I do not even want to know what the bill was for that! It was a very nice party, but none of these kids will remember it. The oldest child was three. One topic of conversation that came up while we were eating was the monthly association meeting. One homeowner is being taken to court because he put 25-year shingles on his house instead of the mandated 30-year shingles. Another is being cited because they did not put up the correct fence. I guess these are the things that the rich worry about? I made a joke and said these people should come to my neighborhood. We have gasp! at least 6 different styles of fences and counting. I mean do these people not have better things to do?! This is why I stay living where I live. This type of thing is becoming increasingly common, and I know that there are more important things in life than what year shingle my neighbor puts on his roof! I mean if his roof doesn't last as long, then HE'LL be the one dealing with it, he'll incure the expense, not me. And really, I asked, can you tell the difference by looking at it? No, was the answer, but it is in the by-laws. Yah, whatever. This is why we haven't moved to a larger home. I don't want that kind of hassle. Every party has been as nice if not nicer than the last. Some being held at tumbling facilities and the like, for TWO and THREE year-olds. It would be fine if they were, say EIGHT, but two or three? I just don't agree with it. It's just excess. These people all have large enough homes to hold a party, also.

Back to the moms group. There are currently 8 of us in our moms group. We all met when we had one child. Now everyone has at least two. So, I need to buy 14 gifts a year just for this group's kids. This is not including my brother's kids or friends not in the groups kids, or hell, even my own kids. So, say I spent $15.00 a kid. That's $210.00 a year. Not including the mandatory cute bag or wrapping, plus a card. It's not that I can't afford to do this; I just think it's ridiculous. All of these kids also have family parties with very generous grandparents and the like. These kids don't need anything. I believe this money could be much better spent. I feel it's a waste. The waste is starting to disgust me. Not long ago, I brought toys that S. doesn't play with to Goodwill. They were all in excellent condition. It's just that his birthday was coming, and he did not need this many toys. Other children would be delighted to play with these toys; toys that my son only played with once a week or less. I am simplifying my own home, believing less is more. I am trying to instill these values in my children. That you don't get whatever you want; you are not entitled to the latest toy. I am not perfect, but I'm working on it. I used to go once a week to the mall, and yes, I would buy something every time. I can't tell you the last time I went to the mall. I only have two pairs of jeans that fit, and I am not buying anymore until I lose some more weight. Instead of just buying whatever I want right when I wanted it, I am waiting to ask for it for Christmas or my birthday. Now we never were the kind of family that could afford to buy two BMWs, for example. Or the latest plasma tv. But we could pretty much buy what we wanted, within reason, when we wanted it. Remember my husband grew up in that environment, and I grew up coveting things. I had always been frugal until I married my husband. I could stretch a buck! Now I am just returning to my value-system. I want my kids to realize there are kids out there with nothing, let alone the latest toy or best everything. That they are lucky. I don't want them to be spoiled brats who when they go out into the world, and the world doesn't give them everything right away, they don't know how to cope. I know of too many young adults who have attempted suicide or succeeded for this reason. Wealthy children with bright futures who ended it all. Too much, too soon. Not for my my kids. I want better for them. I want them to be good people, people with good souls. People who will do for others, who care for others. People who make God and their parents proud. Now I just have to figure out a way to tell my moms group that I can no longer go along with this excess. They are lovely people, but I have to be true to myself, my beliefs and my values. Any ideas????