I cannot believe that I am going to talk about this again, or really, that this is actually the way it is. I must come off like some nympho. or such, but it just bugs me that my hubby has such a low desire for me. It maddens me, and at times like last night, just plain hurts my feelings.
My husband did initiate sex one month ago. That is the last time we had sex; seriously. Now I don't exactly have the biggest sex drive lately either, but come one, once a month! So yesterday, I did feel like a little loving from my husband and it wasn't just about sex; it was also about intimacy, something which seems to get lost between jobs, and kids, and well just plain life. However, we cannot let it go or we will just be like two friends who live together and take care of the kids together. And at times, that is what it does feel like. For the most part I am very happy with my marriage. Jeff is an excellent father, best friend, provider (eeks! How 1950ish does that sound!). He loves the children and I know he loves me. He puts us first, and has done an excellent job of taking care of me through this whole PPD nightmare. He is great. However, he has always had a lower-than-average sex drive, at least when I compare it to other men. My friends all wish their husbands didn't want to have sex. They seem to want it all the time. But even if that is not the whole truth, I am certain that they want it more than once a month. I remember prior boyfriends who would flat out tell me how attractive I was to them. I do not hear that from Jeff unless I ask. And now more than ever, I need to know that I turn him on, or that he at leasts thinks I look good, at times. My mom and I had this discussion, don't ask me why! Let's just say my dad couldn't wait for her 6-week check-up to get things going again. I wish I did not know this. I also wish my SIL had not told me how my brother is the same way. I DEFINITELY could have done without that knowledge!!!
So, yes, I get my feelings hurt. Jeff is not on ANY medication, so that's not an option. Anyway, he has always been like this. Last night after church I thought I'd approach him. Nope, he was going for a walk. And what can I say about that really? He's trying to lose weight and be healthier. On Mondays, he plays basketball and is frequently too tired; what can I say about that? It's through church, and is a great time of fellowship and again exercise. I want that for him. Then there's work and a long commute that makes him tired. Then on the weekends he feels he has so much to do, or is recupperating from the week. He's tired. However, I wanted to point out that sex does burn calories and can be very fun. And can bring a couple closer together. What I did say was,"You know most husbands would like to have sex with their wives more than once a month." And he was gone. Upon his return, I was reading a book. He asked me what was wrong, I replied nothing, and he said he didn't believe that. He fell asleep right next to me, which I found insulting, so I went to get washed up for bed.
This morning when he kissed me good-bye VERY early--I was sleeping, I heard him continually tell me how much he loved me. That was cute; now I think he'll just have sex with me tonight because he feels he HAS to. No thanks! Tell me internet, is anyone else's husband like this???? Or am I that undesirable? And no I am sure he is not gay.
2 comments:
I agree with Laura. I ditto alot of what she said. I also think you should make time for yourselves and have a date night. I know that a dinner out is always nice. Kevin and I will go get a Starbucks and walk a shopping center holding hands. That always relaxes us and makes us feel "young" again. For some reason our times alone together always spark something and we end up in the sack at the end of the date. I would also encourage you to initiate it even if you don't feel you should because when I initiate it more Kevin seems to initiate it more too. So... that is all I can think of, but just wanted to say that you are gorgeous inside and out! You guys are just in a rut. Easy to get out... just get that jack and lift yourselves up! :o)
Hey Bev,
It's funny because my husband has bedroom eyes 24-7. In the morning when I"m getting dressed, in the evening, etc. You get the hint.
We have no date night, we never have any $$ to go out either. My attitude is that I signed up for parenting that is my main job, hence we go everywhere as a family.
Grocery shopping, browsing, running errands, etc. We are lucky that our daughter is almost 5. When she was younger we'd get snuggly during the day and BAHM, she'd wake right up. We'd call it baby radar. I will bottle some of my husbands sex drive and send it to you. My drive is not what it used to be, enough said.
How is everything else? I've had this horrible voice loss, sinus, throat infection thingie going on.
I'm afraid chloe has it and will pass it back to me. I only have 1 1/2 PTo days left for the rest of the year.
You need a nice long vacation together. I'll babysit. Hee....
JT
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