Acceptance Gave Me a UTI

Last week I had finally accepted that I should not have any more children. It's not just because of the PPD, although that's enough of a reason, but because I feel like my plate is full already. I feel pulled in a zillion directions on any given day, and I do not believe that I could give another child the attention I would like to. I'm stretched to the limit already. And now that the Tot is nearing his first birthday, and the diaper bag is getting smaller, I feel like I'm ready to move on from this part of my life. No, I'm not going back to work yet. I just am feeling more comfortable with leaving my children with a sitter, joining a health club and getting some semblance of my body back, and, well, sleeping! We have a pretty comfortable routine now. It doesn't always go perfectly, but it is so much better than in the beginning. I love babies; just not newborns. No, wait a minute. I love OTHER peoples' newborns. A friend of mine said it best when she told me she believed 6 months to 15 months to be the best baby-wise. I obviously agree. I love that my baby boy smiles and bounces around when he sees me enter the room. I love dressing him up and not worrying about spit up. I love how we can interact now. I say, "Do you want a bah-bah?", and if he does he giggles. I also love my 3 and a half year old's age. We can have conversations now. We can do puzzles and play-doh, and color and read. He walks and uses the potty exclusively now. He is the cuddler, although he was not a cuddly baby. He often comes up to me, puts his hand on my shoulder, looks seriously at me while he says,"Mama, or now mom, I love you." Does it make me misty eyed at times that I see my boys growing up right before my eyes? Absolutely, but it also makes me happy. They both seem so well-adjusted, so happy, that sometimes I actually feel like I'm doing a good job raising them. I guess my main reason for not wanting to have another child is that I feel complete. I always wanted two children, and now I have two children. Plus, have you noticed how much money TWO children cost??? I'm sure three would break me both physically AND financially!!! So I have accepted the giving birth part of motherhood is over for me now, and I am happy with my decision.

So you're probably wondering what this has to do with a UTI, huh? Well, now that I have made this decision, I am sure I will get pregnant because now, you know, I DON'T want to get pregnant. Hubby and I wanted to get our groove on last Saturday, well mainly him but that's not the point here, and now that I am as fearful as a teenager who sneaks to have sex with her boyfriend is, I decided we needed to use birth control. No, prior to last weekend we were not using any birth control, don't yell at me:) So I say to hubby," Hey, do we still have those condoms in the closet?" He looks, and they expire in a few months, so you know how old they have to be! Me, being responsible and all, said we should use one. Hubby wanting to have sex, and agreeing with me that he'll get the big V, says okay. What resulted was me waking up at 2:30AM Monday morning with that lovely burning feeling we all know and hate. I told my husband he had to stay home Monday because I could not take care of the kids this way. Before you think I'm a wimp, I have taken care of said children during every cold, strep throat episode, etc., but a UTI renders me useless initially, before the antibiotics kick in. He was upset, and said he had a meeting that day. I was pissed because I felt like hell. I said to him,"I didn't do this myself!" I am pretty sure that is what made him change his mind. He felt guilty. I immediately called my doctor's after hours line, yah they must love me, and she tells me to keep drinking water and to come in in the morning. I appealed to her being a mother herself and she relented. She gave me Macrodantin. I was on Macrodantin my whole pregnancy with the tot, because I had strep B in my urine. I stayed in bed all day, and did not feel any better. I didn't feel any better the next day, or the day after that. On Wednesday I called the doctor. They wanted to see me, and have a urine sample. I was feeling so bad at this point that I took the earliest appointment I could get, and brought the boys with me. I was that desperate.

Well, after having S. turn on the water of all the faucets he could find, open and close doors and generally be a pain in the neck, I walked out with a new prescription. I also found out the nurse who helped me used to work with my mom at the hospital by us. She and I swapped stories about how chemo. couldn't even get her to slow down, and it just felt so nice to feel that connection again. She even called my prescription in so I didn't have to drop it off with the boys in tow. She said she could see I had my hands full. She also gave me the written copy.

I still feel some burning, but nothing near as bad as it was. I can go on with my life. I have not slept so much since before I had kids! Hubby would get home, we'd eat and then I would go to bed not to wake up before 6:30 AM. My body feels wiped out. Hubby assures me he IS going to get the V. done. I told him that we may not be having sex until after that procedure. He will have to take care of the 30 or so 'emissions' on his own, because we both know why I got that UTI. The condom. We don't use condoms, and haven't for years because they give me UTIs. I wish I would have remembered that. Oh, I told him sex after ovulation is acceptable. How do I know when I ovulate? Six years of infertility did teach me something, and I have had near 100 percent accuracy. How about that?