So Much To Do!

The pictures are of the boys and I on my birthday. I put the first one up because I think it best shows that S. looks like me. I wish we would have gotten hubby in a picture, because the resemblance between him and Tot is uncanny. Tot is almost all daddy; he has darker eyes like his brother and I. This week I am getting a few inches cut off of my hair; it's just too much work. Plus, my hair is very thin and when it's gets too long, it kind-of just hangs there. Notice the dark circles underneath my eyes? Can anyone recommend a good, really good, concealer? I am presently using Clinique, and have also used Physicans Formula. Obviously, I need something stronger!

We ended up going out to dinner on my birthday, and I just wasn't in the greatest mood. Hubby let me sleep in, but it wasn't a 'quality' type of sleep. J. was so good to me this weekend. I think he knows how hard my mom not being here on my birthday is for me, before I even figure it out myself. I always do fine the day of special occasions, it's the day after that is always very hard on me. I have the 'stuck in mud' feeling right now. I have no motivation, and lots to do!

Yesterday at church, our Katrina Mission Team led the service. We also had Katrina victims who have relocated here. As the team leaders discussed how it really is down there, and even people who I consider among the strongest I know, began to cry at what they had witnessed, my mood sank. The slide show was at best horrific. The victims have never received the Red Cross donations that many of us have sent. Where IS that money??? I am not going to go on a rant about the government and all, because that has been said already many times. I am just saddened that things aren't improving for so many people. I felt embarressed as I walked out of church next to these victims with my Coach purse which must seem to border on gluttony when you have nothing. No money. No home. No job. The interesting thing that was said was that the church groups are the only ones that are down there helping. The residents said there is no FEMA, no government agencies, just regular faith-based groups on their own dimes. I am angry, and you should be too. End of rant.

After that, hubby and I went to look at one of the local health clubs. I need to lose this weight, and exercise I have found, really helps with my depression. I attend a women's exercise class once a week now, but I need more. This also seems frivolous after what was said at church, but I know that I need to do this. They have a Kids Club area where the kids can go, also a cafe where I can eat--hold on---by myself, sauna, jacuzzi, and of course the regular work-out machines and classes. And a pool too. It seems to be the perfect fit for me since I have not exercised in front of anyone since college, when I HAD to take another physical ed. class. I do not like working out in front of others! So this place is small, which I think is good. We are joining. Maybe I will lose this weight before summer, or well, at least FEEL better. Right now I am feeling so low. Our sitter is with the boys now, and I am glad. I have no energy. Everything seems to be hitting me at once. So much to do, but the same crap that I do day after day, week after week... You get the idea. Tomorrow, luckily my husband was able to switch around his schedule so I can stand outside in the cold by myself hoping to get S. into the pre-school of my choice. And hopefully in the morning session, so Tot and I can have some time together. Originally, I was all set to take the boys, but then the weather changed. And really, I wondered how in the heck I was going to keep S. and tot entertained for over an hour. J. needs to be back in the late AM for an important meeting that was changed because of this, so I pray that I get back in time. I love his boss. Can you imagine, they changed their meeting so I can stand in line to get S. into preschool? Very nice.

Hubby and I talked a little about everything that went on last week. He said it was a really bad week. I agreed. He also said I need to talk to him and tell him how I am feeling before I get to my breaking point. I will work on this. I told him that we need some time together. I feel like we are putting ourselves to the backburner, and we just can't do that. I can't tell you how much having two children has changed things around here. There is so much less time. When people told me having two children is more than double than the amount of work, I believed them but I just couldn't imagine what exactly that would be like. I am so grateful for my children, but I am getting burned out, too. There is so much laundry still to be folded and put away. It's overwhelming me right now. Plus, all of the little things. Oh, and some jackass called at 2:30 this morning and I was actually sleeping well! Wrong number. UGH! So add incredibly tired to the mix. On my birthday it was 69 degrees; right now it has dropped to below 40 and it is so windy! Lovely, Illinois. I hope things look up, or that my response to them gets better. And no, it's not PMS. Can't even blame it on that!