The Mother I Thought I'd Be

When I first began having thoughts about becoming a mother, I knew the kind I didn't want to be. I certainly did not want to be the mother who let her kids run around the store, scream at restaurants and throw their food. And I also was not going to be that slovenly mother who let herself go. Oh, no. A mother needs to take time for herself. Her kids aren't everything! Which is true, but reality is so much different that we envision it will be.

When I had my first son, I felt awful about my now slovenly appearance. Oh, man, was that a surprise! I mean come on, no one told me I'd still look pregnant weeks after I'd given birth. Hell, in some ways months after. I'd never been overweight before, and now had a new found understanding of how badly it feels to try and try to lose weight only to find despite my best efforts, and not eating as much, that my weight had plateaued a little sooner than I'd like. In Vicki Iovine's book The Girlfriend's Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood she talks about how you will literally have to beat off the last ten pounds. And forget about fitting into your favorite jeans until at least nine months after giving birth. Yeah, how about never fitting into those pants again! Oh, and those last ten pounds, or so!, well we've come to an understanding. If I don't weigh myself, we can forget that they're even there! I've come to accept that they are not going anywhere ever! And I'm not one of those moms who can say, 'But look at what I got. It's all worth the stretch marks, my sagging stomach, and sleepless nights that have permanently given my face circles under my eyes.' I'm sorry, I'm just not. Oh, sure I love my children with a fierce love that a mama bear possesses. You know, don't mess with my kid or you'll have ME to deal with! But I have to admit, my old body looked better, and I miss it.

When my oldest was born, I was able to go shopping. He loved being out in public, and loved the mall with all of its things to look at. Now my mom died when S. was only six months old, and as I've said before, I am a total emotional shopper. You can imagine what my wardrobe looked like then. Yep. It was fantastic! Coupled with what I term 'the dead mom's diet', I could fit in clothes that I now can only dream about! But I didn't feel good guys, so don't do it. Living mainly on yogurt and caffeine made for one cranky mama! At any rate, I felt like I had followed all my rules to a T. S. was such an easy baby, and for the most part, toddler. At least when we were out. I even received compliments on how wonderfully behaved he was. We took him to four-star restaurants in downtown Chicago, they all have children's menus BTW. We took this kid EVERYWHERE! We didn't stop going out just because we had a kid. I swore I wouldn't do that. S. was also a terrific sleeper. The kid seriously slept through the night at 3 weeks. Yep, I thought it was because of our superior parenting skills. Then came the Tot!

When Tot was born, all of my mandates about the mother I was going to be went out the window. I quickly learned that one child was easier than two no matter what you do. Oh, and the Tot. Not too much a sleeper there for awhile. And the boy liked to get up early for the day. Like 6:00 in the morning early! S. and I are night owls, and not morning people. Well, at least we weren't. We had to learn to adjust! The Tot didn't sleep through the night until five -six months, and by then I thought I'd go crazy from all the lack of sleep! I couldn't figure out what we were doing wrong! Both of the boys were big babies, and both boys ate well. What was the problem? The problem wasn't so much a problem really. I learned that each child has their own identity. They can be different in every way, and it's not our fault. It's just the way they are, and we can't change it. We can only accept them for who they are, and make adjusts in our lives. We cannot control every thing our children do. I now go to bed earlier, and get up early. It's okay really. I get more done now. Not that I wouldn't want to sleep later, but it is what it is. Maybe when they go to college, I'll sleep again.

S.'s love for shopping stopped around the time he learned he could unhook the belt in the stroller and get out! Well, maybe that's when my love for shopping ended. Coupled with a new body, I soon wore pretty much the same clothes over and over. I call it my mom's 'uniform.'. Jeans and a t-shirt. The only variation is that some shirts are long sleeves and some short sleeves. They are comfortable and wash well. And they are not particularly interesting. No nice coordinating outfits for me! I do, however, still put some make-up on my face. I tell myself that because I do that, I haven't 'let myself go'.

My children in contrast, have a beautiful wardrobe! My friends have commented on how I dress my children like they are dolls. They certainly have interesting, coordinated outfits! I found my mother was right when she said you end up putting your kids first. They are a refection on you. Well, at least someone dresses well!

I also swore my kids wouldn't watch too much television. Movies are babysitters, I said. Well, guess what. Movies are babysitters! Big surprise. However, without them, we wouldn't ever eat a dinner that was not prepared by McDonald's. I feel that the nutritional value of a good meal outweighs any negative effect the American Academy of Pediatrics says my kids will get from watching the 'tube'. At least that's what I tell myself!

And lastly, I swore I wouldn't yell or smack my kid on the bottom occasionally and not hard or out of anger so don't report me to Child Services okay!!! Isn't the yelling part especially funny! And you know what? Sometimes one of my kids throws his food, and there are times they won't eat what I've made. I have stuck to the 'This is not a restaurant. If you don't eat what I make than you will be hungry' rule, because, hey, this really isn't a restaurant and you won't die by not eating one meal. You'll also be more likely to eat the next meal I prepare.

So there you go, I have not turned out to be the mother I thought I'd be. Yeah, I screw up sometimes. Sometimes I do the wrong thing. But I love my kids, and I'm doing the best I can. No one is perfect, not even me! Ha! And that's okay. As long as the good outweighs the bad, I think I'm doing an okay job. How about you? Are you the kind of mother you thought you'd be???