How Can You Marry the One You Cheated On?

I haven't written in a long time, I know. Facebook has gotten to me since it only requires writing one sentence, and lately that's about all I've been able to do.

Speaking of Facebook, there are some things that are better left unsaid or seen. A few days ago I saw someone's name on one of my 'friends'. The last name was the name of my ex-boyfriend. This guy N. and I were together a few years, and we're just two different people. I broke up with him twice and went on my way. I had moved back to civilization, and was really enjoying being back 'home'. Since he lived back in what I term as 'small town', it was pretty easy for me. I fell out of love with him about a year before our final break-up. (He told everyone he had broken up with me. Pretty easy lie to say since we lived far apart. I told him if that's what helps him get through the day-go for it. Whatever.) No regrets!

Our break-up is not what I'm writing about. I was going out with a guy that I thought I was going to marry. We dated a few years, and we remained friends after we separated. Anyway, just a few weeks prior to our break-up I had gone down to small town to see some friends, and of course N. I knew my boyfriend B. and I were almost over, and I thought it would be a boost if I cheated on him. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so bad. I knew N. would have no problem with it, and he didn't. He told me he would always have feelings for me since I was his first girlfriend. Problem was I couldn't cheat on B. Even though it was pretty much over, I couldn't do it. N. could. He had been dating H. for a year he said.

Fast forward to three weeks later. I admit to calling N. Hey, I was bored, and wanted an ego-boost. I wanted to prove to myself that I could have 'it" any time I wanted. And if I had it with an ex. I would be less likely to have any problems than if I had a one-night stand. Lovely, I know. (I never had a one-night stand. I'm not that kind of person.) I told him my parents were going out of town, and would he like to come over? We both knew what for. I knew he would come, and come he did. We had dinner, bought alcohol and went back to my house. We talked in my room, it was ackward, and then he made the first move. Earlier I had made sure that this was what he truly wanted, and it was. He complimented me, and said I did things better than his girlfriend H. Speaking of her, N. said she was at home. Yeah, at home while he was with me. Isn't that a devoted boyfriend? The second time we did it, he said it couldn't go any further which was completely fine with me. I didn't want a relationship with him. Been there, done that. He said he was whipped, and I asked him if he was so whipped than why was he here with me? He quietly said, "I don't know." He also said he hoped this wouldn't affect his relationship with H. Not my problem. I didn't have a boyfriend. He did tell me he would do this again.

I went down to small town a week or so later, I don't remember. I met him at his apartment. It was a Saturday, and he said we wouldn't have to worry about H. since she was working. Well, we did what I had come to do. In the bed I'm sure his girlfriend 'slept' in a lot. He showered, and I showered to get his smell off of me. I put my clothes on and walked out the door never to talk to him again.

I told myself I could either go backward or move ahead. I met my husband and made the decision that I was moving forward with my life.

Which leads me to Facebook. N. married this girl. She married him without any knowledge of him screwing around with his ex-girlfriend. Well, I assume she doesn't know. If he married someone else, whatever. It was a huge mistake. But marrying the woman who he cheated on multiple times? I couldn't do it. Would it even matter now anyway? I don't know.
So there you are. Is he like his dad, once a cheater always a cheater? Or did he figure it out and realize how lucky he was to have H. in his life?'

I've moved on, and got married to my husband. My soul mate. We have two beautiful little boys. All of my boys are my life. They mean that much to me. It's weird how much I've matured since being with Hubby. I am even affectionate now. How 'bout that.

So do I have any regrets? Nope. It led me to my husband. I realized there was so much more to life. So much happiness that I had yet to tap into. It's like the saying goes: "Do not have regrets. At one time it was exactly what you wanted." And now I have my wonderful family which I've always wanted. How blessed am I?

Consequences

Have I mentioned how much I love my boys before? That they can drive me crazy, but as I've told them no matter what they do I will always love them. With that said, this was the second day I came down to a mess in the kitchen. Last week the boys were having a 'car wash' whereupon water got everywhere, and not just the chairs AKA cars that they were cleaning. My oldest also LOVES my Clorox Anywhere Spray. Today I walked down to the mess, should've know why they were so quiet. Well, another bottle of the Clorox was almost completing gone. This time I told him HE was paying for another bottle. Got the money out of his piggy bank, and to the store we went. I just hope he stops this before he runs out of money!

Little Boy No More

I'm sure every mother goes through the 'he's growing up too fast' moments. I also am willing to bet that these same mothers also have the 'he has got to get older and out of this house or we're going to kill one another' thoughts. BTW, just in case the perfect mom police are reading this, I don't mean literally kill each other.
The other day my neighbor said she could see the signs of S.'s little-boy look going away. He looks more like a boy, no little about it. Having four kids herself, she told me this happens around first grade. And even if she was a little off on her calculations, S. lost his first tooth. Time to lose those baby teeth and grow in his adult 'permanent' teeth. I'm okay with it as long as he doesn't ask me to pull them out. Yuk!

I think I have mentioned S.'s T-Ball career, and how he grew to love it, here. All of us wish T-Ball hadn't ended. We'd love to go to another one of his games. I am on the kids' computer, our old one, right now so I'll have to post the most adorable picture at another time. I took it at his first game. Damn, I love this kid more than he'll ever understand until he becomes a parent himself. Now if he would stop sneaking my food, get rid of the smart mouth, stop beating on his younger brother, listen and listen...and listen some more, I think we'd all be a lot happier!

New **Edited**

***The woman which I had been talking about, came to my house on Monday. I overreacted big time!
Since I have been the new person more times than I can count, I have always been sensitive to people who are new to the area. I've always done this in school too. I know how lonely and overwhelming it can be to move to a new area.

Back in the fall I met a women with a two-month old and a two year old. She was from another state, and left all her family behind to move for her husband's job. We exchanged e-mail addresses, as I told her all of the things that were out there for moms in our area.

I researched different classes for moms/kids. Family events, as well as churches. It took me a while to do, but that was fine because I like to help people out. I told her about the MOPS group that I am the coordinator for, the day and date of the next meeting. She did come to that, and seemed to enjoy herself, which was good. I invited her to my house afterwards for lunch as well as a play date for the kids. We did that a few times which was nice.
Even during the coldest weather we would meet at each other's houses. It was nice, and my kids love her and her kids.

She took on a job at nights at a sports bar type restaurant. Tips are great etc., but poor her, sometimes she doesn't get in until after 2:00 AM. She was going to try to do something about the hours since it's very hard to be a mommy when you've had no sleep. When she was in a bind one time, I took care of her kids who my kids love to play with.

I reminded her last month about this cool truck show for kids, and she made it. She ran into a few other people. I was calling her phone like crazy to to tell her where to meet us, but something wasn't right with her phone or something. Meanwhile she ran into other MOPS' members, and that's when I saw her.
Well, I've e-mailed her about getting together. At that time she was on vacation. I left it as when she got back into town, call me. I've never heard from her.
Last Friday, we had a zoo day with the MOPS group. I initially told her about it a month or so ago, and our member who sets these things, sent an e-mail reminder. I met up with a bunch of the members and had a great time, but no this friend. Come to find out, a few other members, the same o nes from the truck thing, decided to meet only with each other apparently. Well, she was with them. I knew that she had play dates with theses people which is cool. The more friends the better.

It seems as though I'm being divorced or 'phased out' as they said on one episode of Friends. This has happened to me several times before. I introduce my new friends and other friends, and they'd rather be with them. Now the MOPS moms I introduced her to never were good friends of mine, more like the kind that I only see at MOPS meetings, so it's not like I lose best friends or anything. It just kind-of hurts my feelings, you know. Has this ever happened to any of you???

Good vs. Average??? You Make the Choice

A random question that's popped in my head. Was/is it easier it break up with an average guy rather than a very goodlooking one? (or one that is better looking than another). Do you stay in the relationship longer because he's a good person and you love hearing how 'hot' your boyfriend is? Can his looks and the attention you subsequently receive, be intoxicating? Like the attention is great. It's fun having people be jealous, particularly people you don't like? Does the vision of a pretty picture with beautiful children make it harder to leave/be left? To miss the attention, for a little while, to come to peace that the pretty picture would have been a lie? To truly believe that the song by 'The Offspring' in which one of the lyrics reads "the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care" is the truth? Is a goodlooking man harder to get over when they break up with you? Even when you worried that some other woman would come along and he'd cheat on you? Or do you think in 10 years he's going to see all he's missed, and then a divorce will be looming in the horizon via Jon Gosseling? (I've thought about THAT situation lately)! Does your self-esteem plummet? Is it easier to get over an average looking guy than a goodlooking one? When you see him out in public would both guys make your heart thump in that 'oh my God. I haven't seen him in years' kind of way. Knowing that you loved them both, a lot, would one be harder to see now over the other? And the BIG question: would it feel weird/make you a little jealous to see him with another woman, and to see that he has a family with her? Like what did she have over me, even when you're the one who did the breaking up or vice-versa? Like she is living the life that almost was mine? Would it have been easier to break up with average guy than a goodlooking one? I know I'm talking myself into a circle here. Ala, Carrie Bradshaw--Sex in the City, I've really been wondering that. It's also a question you can't ask all your girlfriends; it's easier, and probably more truthful, to ask people outside your inner circle. I don't really know the answer, but I'd like to. Please let me know your thoughts.