Little Girl in an Adult World

Now that my oldest is in first grade, we have to get up early and get to the bus stop at an insanely early time. That's the negative. The positive is now meeting neighbors I've never met before. Well, that used to be a positive.

Last year, we stood at the bus stop with two women and their children. One of the moms had lost her job, so she was able to take her daughter to the bus stop. She was happy to do it, and she seemed quite nice. We ended up talking a lot. That was last year.

This year the woman, I'll call her Roxi, has not been at the bus stop much. Her little girl is in the same grade as my son. Anyway, when I walked the little girl, Jessie, home Roxi was outside. Well, Roxi smelled like alcohol. When I asked what she had to drink to replied lemonade, as if I didn't know the difference between alcohol and lemonade! I made a comment to lighten the mood. I figured maybe she just had a glass of wine or something. I know it was early, but I could not come up with a reason for a grown woman to be drinking at 2:30PM. I know her lying about drinking was a bad thing, but I wanted to believe it was a one time deal.

Unfortunately, it was not. Now every time I have seen her after school I smell alcohol on her breath. Other than that, she acts completely normal, and is even fun to be with. I can't reconcile both sides.

Well, about a month ago our weather started turning nice. I let my boys invite their friends over to play outside. I am happy to say that our house has become the house for which I am extremely grateful. Anyway, I asked if Jessie would like to come and she said yes and brought her bike over. While the boys were playing, Jessie and I were talking while we were using colored chalk on our driveway. I could tell she was sad, and very happy to be here. She seems lonely since she is 11 years younger that her sister, and they both have different fathers. Hers fled to another country, so she has never met him. While her sister goes to her father's house on the weekends, Jessie stays home with her mom.

One day the boys and I were talking about the family dinners we have. She said to me, "We never eat together" The other day she told me her mom doesn't make dinner. I didn't press it. I figure she'd let me know if she wanted to talk about it.

The other day I made spaghetti and asked if she'd like to stay for dinner. She said,"My mom says it's always okay for me to be here, but I'll go ask." And back she came.
While I was cooking my two boys and her were playing. My boys and Jessie get along very well. I called dinner was ready and hands were washed.
Jessie thought we would just start to eat, but instead we prayed. We added a thank you for Jessie being able to eat with us which, I think, surprised her.
I don't know what to do about the situation, but I do know she is always welcome at our house. The poor thing is only a kid and already she is facing such an adult world. I wish I could do more. I only wish I could do more...

Being a Mom of Older Boys

Christmas 2009, ages 7 and 4

Tot at the zoo, 17 months

S., age 4

S. age 3 and Tot 7 months

S. 4 months

I don't know when it happened, exactly, but my oldest has become an official 'boy'. His face has lost those last signs of babyhood, he goes to school all day, and his needs have changed from being with mom to being with friends. We have maintained a very close relationship, but now that relationship seems different.
S. is trying to find an activity he likes, and now that he is 7, there are a lot for him to choose from. Tot will be turning 5 in May. I can't even think about that because it upsets me too much. As a result, he would also like to enroll in an activity-he thinks soccer.. I only allow one activity at a time for my boys. This will be the first summer that I will be carting my boys around. It just feels weird. Weren't my boys just babies? When did I become a mom with older kids and not a 'new mom'?

It was beautiful today, so we went outside for a while. I grabbed our mitts and ball, and told S. that we could do ten throws, the kid is into numbers, and then he could do something else. The funny thing is I really enjoyed it. That's the thing about us moms of boys. We're a tough group. We have to be. With husbands working ridiculous hours, we have to step into that role of mother/father. I always tell other moms of boys, you either get into the game or sit on the sidelines feeling sorry for yourself. No, you don't have a girl. Yes, most boys are energetic and ...dirty, but you have to accept that. I'm really enjoying this stage of my sons' lives. It's both sad and amazing seeing my sons' grow, but it's mainly amazing. No more car seats. The trunk no longer carries strollers, diaper bags or 'pack n' plays'. They have been replaced with backpacks, bats, mitts and balls of all kinds. This is our new life. I will try to look forward instead of back, and enjoy the two blessings that God has given to us. And if I get a little dirty along the way I'll just smile and remember that I have never been happier in all my life as I am right now, dirt and all.

Catching up!

Ahhh...where to start. I have been over at facebook, who keeps changing things, and facebook is, as many people have said, a time-zapper. I open my page up and swear I'll only be one for 5 minutes. Well, I don't think I've only been on 5 minutes since I started. Waste of time. The benefit there is that I ran into a lot of people I knew, and it's been fun seeing what they're up to. Some I haven't seen since graduation, so it's fun to see how much we've changed. I have to pinch myself to believe that we all are in our mid-to-late 30's and beyond. From today on I am going to work to stay off of facebook, or only on it for 5 minutes. Do you think I can do it???

• A quick summary of what has been going on in formerteacher's house...S. started first grade, which was hard initially, but to which I give credit for my sanity being restored. I love him so much, and like I tell him, no matter what he does I will never stop loving him. However some times I've had enough of the game, how can I piss off Tot and mom in one try! By himself he's a dream. It's been a lot of fun playing games, Wii bowling etc. He can do so much now, and we are alike in many ways. (BTW, I always said these kids wouldn't get a video system. Well, Santa thought differently, and I am loving it. Geez, another thing to get addicted to:) That's a whole other topic!


• September brought the not so fun stage of 'someone has been hurting my kid you-better- DO something about it!' Oh, yes, the principal and I had a lovely conversation, and I'm pretty sure I overdid, but when MY SON comes home with cuts and bruises, which he initially told me were made by him falling, I don't give a shit who the hell you are, you're going to fix it. And if she didn't, I told her I was going higher. Yeah, she loves me, and boy is she just going to be so excited when she learns the younger one starts next year---5 years in a row of dealing with my boys--and me. Ha! I'm fairly certain no one is going to bother either one of them since the principal won't want to be spending any time with the likes of me!


• I used to teach in that district, and I'm pretty certain I will never work there again...I'm sure the word will get out.


• Tot is doing great in preschool, and now that S. goes full time, I've been able to go to his meetings and special performances. He loves that!


• Husband working hard. We are blessed that he is employed when so many aren't. Just wish we had more time together.


• I'm loving texting even though I said I would never use that feature.


• Christmas ended up working out. Unfortunately, I came down with an upper respiratory infection. Hubby had to work. It was oh so much fun taking care of two kids when you feel like you're dying! Wednesday, Hubster ended up getting it too. It was the gift that kept on giving!


• Here in IL it seems like the snow and cold temps. have hung over us like a fog. We also haven't had much sun, which always bugs me. I think I just may buy one of those lamps:)


• Was all set to have surgery. Then I had the pre-surgery labs. Surgery cancelled. Another doctor visit. Apparently, I am severely anemic. The plan? I take three 65 mg iron pills. I stopped taking them a few days ago. I am not going to feel like I have morning sickness all day-every day. That was supposed to be one of the joys of having no more kids!


• And I am feeling overwhelmed with all that needs to be done! I don't think that'll ever change, but I worry about how it'll be when I go back to work.


• I cut my finger while using the electric hedgers. Got 4 stitches. First time I ever had to get stitches. Not fun. Didn't like the shots in the cut itself.
  
• Went to CA sans kids. Excellent! Was able to talk without being interrupted.
  


• There you go in a nutshell! Now I'll be on to a post that doesn't leave you falling asleep!

Christmas BS

Christmas is always a hot button issue in many households. You know, who's going to have the day at their house. Since my mother has died I have been cooking Christmas dinner. I believe only one Christmas I haven't). It really helps to keep busy on a holiday that is supposed to bring cheer and happiness, which does not do either one for me anymore. I dread the hoidays nearly as much as I dread the cold and snow which blankets us into spring. My mom was right, though, your kids get you through it. Never a truer statement was said. Without those little guys I'd either be in my bed under a blanket or in a warm place, but I digress.

My father has unofficially ruined what was left of Christmas for us. He has yet to tell me his wife is having the 'celebration' over at their house. Yes, it is only the 19th. If my SIL hadn't told me accidently on Thursday night, I still would think I was cooking. It appears I'm not even invited to this day where family means so much. My dad told said SIL that he would come to my house for an hour. I presume this is to see my sons who think that Grandpa and Grandma D. are coming for the day along with all of their cousins. My husband told my SIL that all I have is my brother, her and the kids as well as my dad. That's it. Unfortunately it's true. My dad's family is nuts and has dwindled in size. We don't celebrate the holidays with them, which believe me is a good thing. My mom's family is awesome, but most live in CA or AZ, and even then it's not a ton of people. I don't have those big families. Hey, I don't even have the sister I always wanted. Anyway. My father has not called me at all still. And we actually are quite close. I'm pretty sure my SIL told him how upset I was. My belief is if you can't call or talk to someone then you know what your doing is wrong.

It has turned out that now my brother and SIL are going to her family's on Christmas Day rather than Christmas Eve because she has to work until 4PM instead of the usual 2PM. So yep, we will be alone for Christmas. The holiday that can make me sob in an instance. My mother has to be turning over in her grave. So, thanks Dad. (We have since talked and apologies given. Still wish my mom was here. It's not Christmas without.)

Consequences

Have I mentioned how much I love my boys before? That they can drive me crazy, but as I've told them no matter what they do I will always love them. With that said, this was the second day I came down to a mess in the kitchen. Last week the boys were having a 'car wash' whereupon water got everywhere, and not just the chairs AKA cars that they were cleaning. My oldest also LOVES my Clorox Anywhere Spray. Today I walked down to the mess, should've know why they were so quiet. Well, another bottle of the Clorox was almost completing gone. This time I told him HE was paying for another bottle. Got the money out of his piggy bank, and to the store we went. I just hope he stops this before he runs out of money!