Across the street from my house, a couple went through a lot to get pregnant. They have one child; all repeated attempts at IUIs and multiple IVFs to have another child failed. They were wonderful to us when we were experiencing our difficulties, often at the same time.
When their insurance would pay no more, they decided it was time to let having another biological child go. I gave them all of my adoption information from when we thought we might adopt. We had even chosen an agency. They were very excited about adopting a child. All of the necessary paperwork was completed, and then it was time to wait...and wait and wait.
I do not know what happened since this was all during my pregnancy with Tot, and I felt I shouldn't ask. See, when Tot was 2 months old, they started to put a beautiful addition onto their house.
The next year, they told us that the addition was their 'baby'. I felt if they wanted us to know more, they would tell us, so I didn't ask again. We have talked many times since then, and I know that the pain of infertility is still with them. They tried so hard, and yet they never were able to parent that second child.
Yesterday, Hubby and I were talking with the husband. Tot was being a royal pain in the neck, so I said the one thing no one should say to someone that has gone unsuccessfully through infertility. I said,"Do you want a boy?"
A few hours after I said it, I realized what I had done. I feel like an asshole. I should know better. I want to call and apologize, but that would simply be adding salt to the wound. I feel like a total asshole!
2 comments:
Doh... I think at some point we've all done or said something like that. Don't beat yourself up.
I'm with Kate. After suffering infertility we generally try to be more careful, but we still slip up and say things like that. I feel for ya!
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