A Grand Day Once Upon a Time

Four years ago today, we found out we were having our oldest child. What a great day that was!

Out of Nowhere...

in the middle of the day, I start feeling depressed. The ironic part about this is that I had just told me therapist last night that I felt great. That I actually had very little PMS this month, as compared to the last two months, and things were good despite not being able to swallow( I am feeling much better and can swallow now!) Then smack! I miss my mom. I actually was shedding a few tears, and instead of going into the other room like I normally do so that S. won't see me cry, I told him I was sad. That it was okay to be sad sometimes. I told him that mommy misses her mommy. Then he said to me,"You be okay mommy, while patting my back and giving me a hug, you see her tomorrow?" He looked at me like he was asking a question. I told him, "No, S. Mommy's mommy is up in heaven with God, so I can't see her tomorrow and that's why I'm sad." I showed him pictures of my mom, so he might understand a bit, you know, that I am sad because I miss a person. I told him that when my mommy left this earth he was the one who could always make me smile; that he's a special boy, and he is. Then I realized the guilt I felt over that. That he would have this huge burden of knowing someday that only he could make me smile. I then remembered worrying about him being an only child and losing us, and how he'd have no one to go through that with.

It was just a tough day. Some days I feel like a two-year old when I say this, but,"I just want my mommy."

UGH!!!!

I have so much to say, but right now all I can say is I am sick. As in strep throat, wait for two hours in the urgent care waiting room with a million germs just flying around the room sick! Where did I sit? Next to the teenager who broke his foot. I was pretty sure he wasn't there due to a contagious illness. I hope he doesn't come down with strep. I was very careful. Course, he doesn't have two energetic boys to take care of, so I'm sorry, I had to be selfish.

Slippin' and Slidin'!

That's how we spent our Saturday night. We have had the mildest winter here in Illinois that I cannot really complain. However, I can complain about cooking. I hate it! I really do, therefore the weekends are no cooking days. Out we went on Saturday night in the cold. It was mildly snowing, but we didn't think that was a big deal, because it usually isn't. We did notice that it was a tad slippery on the way to pick up our food, but no big deal. I have 'traction control' and ABS brakes! They'll save us! Yah, right! On the way home it was very slick. When we made the turn into our subdivision we turned a bit longer than expected, but J. was able to correct it quickly. However, at the stop sign closest to our house, the car in front of us slid and almost ended up in someone's front lawn. ( I thought to myself, 'I am SO glad we don't own a house on a corner lot!' Nice, huh?) And then we went to stop and found that we couldn't! It must have only lasted a few seconds, but I found myself saying,"Guys!", like anyone could do anything. I was very scared. We had hit a patch of black ice, and we just kept sliding. Hubby was able to get us righted again, thank you God, and we made it the block to our house.

It is things like that that make you realize what you have. Tater tot had been screaming the entire way home that night, and yes, I'll admit it, it was really getting on my nerves. We couldn't do anything for him, because we knew no one should take off their seat belt. Safety first! When we made it through that patch of black ice, I reflected on how much my boys, yes all three of them, mean to me. They are my everything!!! I'll need to remind myself that when S. does another one of his 'things'. Oh, I am now in my hubby's bathroom because it is right off of the family room. That way I can keep a close eye on my boy. So far, so good. I do not like hubby's bathroom at all! I'm sensing a re-model here. Ah....what mothers will do for their children!

Now It's BOTH of Them, and Going Back Into the Classroom!

Both of my sons have been downright cranky today! Tater tot has two teeth, and is about to sprout two more on top. S. just doesn't listen, and I don't know what to do. I thought that when he pooped on the potty today without me reminding him or asking him continually, that today was going to be a better day. Alas, no. Tater tot does not like me out of his sight, and now that he can move---roll around---he does not want to be placed in the play pen that just a few days ago he loved. We haven't been able to use the bouncy seat or swing for weeks. But the play pen or exersaucer he loved. Not. any. more. So as if having one pain-in-the neck child wasn't enough, now I have two. I do feel bad for Tot as I know teeth coming in just can't be loads of fun, but I cannot sit with him the whole day. Besides, S. wants me to also be with him constantly. Good times. When does preschool start???

***I also have a question. What is your discipline strategies? S. has been in so many time-outs and has had so many of his treasured items taken away, but he just hasn't cared a bit. I even took him outside today thinking he might have cabin fever, I DO, and let him run around on his own, our yard is fenced in with a lock on the gate. What did he do? He picked up piles of hard dirt, and threw them at the windows. The first time I heard that BOOM! sound I about jumped. So back inside. Anyway, I am at a loss of what to do. Has anyone ever swatted their child on the bottom? Please help! I asked my son if he wanted to go to daycare. Yah, I really am that frustrated!

Onto tomorrow. I am going to my niece's school tomorrow to be a guest reader. It was supposed to be my brother, but he unknowingly scheduled my younger niece's birthday party that day with two other neighbors' children who have also just turned four. My older niece, second grade, thinks my brother is coming anyway. Wait until she sees me. I am excited. I'd rather read to a group of second graders than deal with my older son right now. My brother is going to be watching my two boys plus helping to run a birthday party full of 4-year old little girls. I can't believe we came from the same mother! He has patience galore, and he actually was the one who told me he believes in the occasional spanking. And he is a great dad, his children well-adjusted and not in fear of him. I just don't know. I don't know what to do. I do know that I am going to enjoy my return to the classroom tomorrow. My niece will be so surprised, we have a great relationship. At least someone will be happy with me tomorrow!