Trying to Out-Run My Depression

As I have said before, exercising has had many benefits for me. One of my favorites is the whole endorphin rush that seems to kick in when I'm running, and oddly enough, feels similar to that feeling you get right before the big O. Sorry, but that is the only way I can explain it, and I'm sure you understand why I have enjoyed exercising, just a little more. Well, it turns out that exercise is like drinking alcohol; you end up developing a tolerance to it. Which is why I am 'running' more now, and I really despise running! Only now I have to run more and more to get that 'buzz'. I now am looking at the people on elyptical and treadmill machines, as well as some horrid looking stairstepper-type of machine, and understanding why they do it. I need more from my workout than I fear that I can get from simply running/walking the track. UGH! Remember that I hate exercising next to people, because I fear they're looking at me. What if I can't last long on one of those machines??? I guess I'll have something fun to blog about that day!

But on a more serious note, I have been feeling a bit low this week. It happens, I know that. Depression is a lot like allergies in the way that there are times when you aren't feeling as well, and then the next week you are fine. It's a chronic illness that I have to stay on top of. I often wonder if I never had babies, or my mom never died, if I would have developed it. I am missing my mom badly right now. There are some stressful things going on also, so I'm sure that's what causing it. Therefore, when I'm on the track and feel those thoughts coming on, I run harder. In the last week I have increased my strength training by 7 machines. I now have 11 on my program, and instead of lifting 9,000 lbs., I'm up to 16,000. Which is good, but why then am I still feeling low? I am thinking of telling hubby to put the whole vasectomy thing on hold, and I know that is probably the wrong idea. Vacation Bible School is next week, and I am a leader, and I am feeling unprepared. There are some more things, but I have to tell you all something, not bad, and I don't feel like I have the time right now. I will soon, though, and hopefully I will be able to tell you that I have been able to out-run my depression again.