The Ackwardness That is My Life

'Every night in my dreams, I see you , I feel you;
that is how I know you go on.'
'The Heart Goes On' by Celine Dion--Titanic Soundtrack

I apologize if I misquoted anything, which is very possible at the moment. At any rate, this describes how I feel about my mom.

First ackward moment of the day: having 6 week check-up. I feel for all you moms who had vaginal births, because I'm surprised the doctor didn't have to pry me off the ceiling after the pelvic exam. OUCH! And I had a c-section! How is sex going to feel for the first time?!
Second ackward moment of the day: telling him, the doctor who misdiagnosed my mom's breast cancer and who honestly was remorseful, that I am my mom's daughter and that she died. Apparently, he didn't put the connection together. He just thought I was some patient whose mother died of breast cancer, not THE patient's daughter. His response after being told I am D.'s daughter? "Oh, shit! That wasn't that long." followed by a walk to the corner to compose himself. And get this. I felt bad for him! I tried to comfort him! I really need to get over this need to please ailment that I have!
Oh, and the positive sound-bite of the day? Well, you know since your mother had pre-menopausal breast cancer your risk changes from 1 in 8 to 1 in 4. Yah, I forgot. Thanks for reminding me.
The ONE positive thing about having PPD? Forgetting you have any risk of breast cancer at all, let alone a 1 in 4. Shit! I'd like to forget.