Sunday, June 05, 2005

I'm Going to Be OK

Thursday turned out to be worse than Wednesday; the PPD is indeed back. However, this time I recognized it and sought help right away. My OB really took me seriously too, probably because when I talked tohisnurse I couldn't stop crying. That is SO unlike me; I am in control of my emotions. At any rate, the short version of the story is that I have a new therapist, a new AD and I meet for the first time with a Psychiatrist next week. Fun, huh? I think the AD is helping because I have been able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I now can do little things with my kids like reading a book, changing a diaper and getting them dressed. I actually was able to play with Steve this morning and he was so happy. Depression is like being in hell; that's how I describe it. I was so scared to be alone, that this would never go away. I now have hope that it will. I now can feel love for my little baby Ryan again. I never felt like harming myself or my children, which is the first thing medical providers ask you. I just felt so alone, so sad, so dark. Jeff is taking another week off. I am hoping to be stablized enough by then that he can go to work without worrying. His mom will be with me helping out as needed, so that is good. Both of our families have been great. I am not embarressed about the depression, having it. If you feel you or someone you know has PPD or clinical depression, please get help. Don't delay feeling better. My journey out of PPD has just begun, but I have faith that I will recover. I have to, for myself and my boys, not to mention my wonderful husband. I can't imagine recovering without him.

4 comments:

Jen Taurus said...

Bev,

I agree with you, depression is a monster. It robs you of everything that it can get. It's like that nail fungus monster from the tv commerical. Ugly and manipulative.

I really don't know about PPD like I've said before, but boy do I know about major depression. I hope you are able to see through this. It is so tough, hang in there.

Don't push yourself too hard. I'm still very fatigued from my depression. Talk theraphy really helps because it's just about you.
No one to interrupt ask for a toy or some milk, just for you.

Please let me know how you are doing this week. I'm proud of your proactivness.


Jen

Anonymous said...

Bev,

I'm so sorry that the PPD is back. I agree with the others--good job contacting your dr and getting help. I hope that you are feeling more like yourself very soon.

Jen Taurus said...

Hey -

Just thinking about you. I am sure your doing well, no news is good news?

Drop us a line and let us know how it's going. I cannot beleive next week is the middle of june. Your baby is almost 1 month already. WOW>

Jen

Anonymous said...

Bev, I'm so sorry you're having depression, but glad that you have recognized it and got help right away.

I hope you're feeling better soon! Drop me a line sometime when you get a chance and feel like it. :)

Hugs to you all!

Laura