The Perfectionist in Me

My brother is doing well, although a bit sore from the angiogram. We are still set to celebrate Thanksgiving with them. I want to thank all of you for your prayers for my brother. It meant a lot to me to know that so many people were praying for him. It must have worked too! Our family has an extensive history of heart disease, and knowing that his heart is healthy is such a relief!

Tomorrow is S.'s first preschool Thanksgiving program. I stupidly volunteered to bake 2 dozen cookies for the day before Thanksgiving. Not one of my smarter moments, I tell you! A month ago, when I signed up, it sounded like fun. However, at 3:00 this afternoon as I was creaming butter and generally making a mess because I am going to make homemade cookies damn it!, I determined that it was not fun at all. I also had to make the cookies orange. No, the teacher did not tell me to do that. It was another one of my this will be fun thoughts. Oh, and making pumpkins out of the dough by using the cookie press? How cute! Did I mention that I am having a holiday party for my mom's side of the family on Saturday? So now I have to add clean the floor to my already large list of things to have done before then. Why am I always such a perfectionist about these sorts of things? Why didn't I do what a friend of mine told me to do and just buy the pre-made dough? Because I have to make sure my little boy has the mom with the homemade cookies??? Lesson learned!

Another thing that's bugging me is that I sent out invitations to the party I am having on Saturday, three weeks ago and many people have not responded. This is the 6th year in a row that I've had this party, so it's not like the guests can claim ignorance here. I have the main courses catered, so the problem I'm facing is how much to order. I thought to myself 'Should I call those who haven't responded yet?', and then I thought that you know, I shouldn't have to. I went ahead and ordered the amount I usually do, and if many people don't show up, then I guess we'll be eating leftovers next week. You know, I promised my mom that I would keep the family together. I promised I would keep on having this party and attending family events. My mom and I started this party together when her cancer came back the first time. Family was very important to her. I have always enjoyed getting together with my mom's family, but lately I feel as if I am the one putting in most or all of the effort. If I don't call, no one calls me. It bugs me. BTW, this is my maternal grandmother's side of the family. My maternal grandfather's side mostly live on the west coast. What do you guys think? Should I back off, or should I call? Am I over-reacting? I tell you, ever since my mom died this time of the year is just not very fun.