My hubby's sister is coming into town this weekend. They are going to meet for coffee one morning and discuss how our not talking to J.'s parents has affected her and her marriage. She says it has been negatively impacting her marriage as her husband and her are at odds about the whole thing. She told my hubby that she would not go back and tell her parents or her husband what was said. This is where I have a problem. I agree that what is said between the two of them should not be mentioned to their parents. However, I believe that she should talk to her husband about it. J. and I discuss everything. I mean not every single thing, but something big like this, we do. We don't have secrets. She and this man have been married a year and a half and already are having major issues. This is her first marriage, his second. Don't get me started on why he says his first wife and him got divorced. You know, if they are having major issues over J. and I not talking to his parents, then what are they going to do when THEY really have major issues to work out. Because we all have had issues to work out in our marriages. My husband and I are determined to work through everything in our marriage. We love each other very much, but don't always agree. That's where the work part comes in. Anyway, her husband is the one who wouldn't come see our kids on Thanksgiving because he is angry at us. Yah, being a Godparent was really important to him. (I'm laughing sarcastically here.) J. and I have never told them what went on. It's not their business. Our contention is it is between us and J.'s parents. We will not put any one in the middle. All J. has said to his sister on this matter is to remember there are two sides to every story. Period. Now my family knows about it because they were THERE.
J. apologized to me a few months ago. He said he always used to use me as an excuse as to why we weren't going to be attending say... dinner and such. Nice, eh? I appreciated very much that he told me that. It explains a lot. However, these people would have been a problem in our marriage regardless.
It has been three months since they have sent any letters to us. No communicado at all. Our marriage has been the best it has ever been since we have stopped playing their games. That's sad, isn't it? I don't know what the future holds. I do know that our relationship with them will never be the same again. It will never be good; it just won't. I mean they have the whole extended family upset with us. Remember no one would send us even a simple Christmas card, so who knows what venom has been spewed about us. How is that going to help things.? I know people don't change, not when they are this old and not when they have acted this way for this long even AFTER many discussions with them. It's their way or the highway. Well, I choose the highway. The scenery here is just so much better.
***I am okay guys. I just miss my mom terribly. Thank you for all of your comments. I will post about that soon.
1 comment:
Ugh... it sounds like a lose-lose situation. Good luck.
And BTW- you're right- if they're having marital problems over this- yikes. It's going to be a long, hard road for them. Or, a short hard road that ends at the "Divorce Here" sign...
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