Disappointment; It Ain't Gonna Happen After All

I won't go into the long, boring story of why my dad has decided to end his relationship with J., but instead just give you the nitty gritty. I mean that's the best part anyway, right? Well, I don't know.

I am so disappointed that my dad and J. are not only NOT going to get married, but they are also not going to see each other anymore. My dad decided that, and I feel he was total correct in his decision, but it is a disappointment for me. I really liked J., and I have a hard time getting close to people. It was so nice having another woman to talk to; I am one of the few women in my family. J. was not my mother, but she had several qualities that made me warm up to her almost immediately, which like I've said before, does not usually happen. I actually was happy when my dad would bring her over to our house, and I can honestly say that I never felt that way about any of his other companions. I use the word companion because girlfriend just sounds way too juvenile when talking about a 54 year-old man.

I am also a bit upset because my son was warming up to her as well. He would always run up to her and give her a hug; it was sweet. Now I know he's only 2 1/2, but I do not want him getting attached to people and then they just leave his life. I am going to watch out for this in the future. Steve does not remember my mother; he was only 6 months old when she died. It is confusing enough to him when I try to explain who the woman with grandpa is in all of those pictures. You just can't mess with kids. So I have decided Jeff and I will meet my dad's next companion without Steve. She will not meet my son until we believe she will be in it for the long haul. I hope my dad understands.

Okay, here goes as to why the relationship is over. J. decided she didn't want family to be involved in my dad and her lives. Yep. She did not want to see my brother's family or mine. Remember from an earlier post of mine, that my dad does not speak to his family AT ALL, so my brother and I are the only family my dad has. We are also very close. She seriously expected my father to not have a relationship with us anymore. She said it was that way with her deceased husband and her; it was just the two of them, which is a lie. One of her daughters still lives with her, and the other is over at her house often, as it should be. Plus, her parents and siblings all live in close proximity to one another. So basically when she said she doesn't want family involved in their relationship, she doesn't want MY family involved. And that just hurts. Don't get me wrong, I am plenty pissed off about it, but I am still in the hurt phase. Originally, she wanted my dad and her to move to Florida. Well, guess who would be going with and LIVING with them as well? Yes, her daughters. You know, as someone who had also recently experienced the lose of a loved one, I would think she would have been more compassionate about my family's need to be together. I thought she understood something that few people understand---losing a loved one at a young age. Still having nightmares about that loved one hooked up to all these tubes and suffering. I really didn't need this shit, and neither did my father. To top this all off, the timing is lowsy. The anniversary of my mother's death is Thursday. Well, at least I'm not on fertility drugs this year.

I am proud of my dad, however. He said his family is not negotiable. He will see his kids and grandkids; they are very important to him. I know this was not an easy decision for him to make. It is very hard being all alone, and my dad truly is all alone. Yes, my brother and I are always there for him, no questions asked, but I know it is not the same as having your wife with you. And I agree with him that at age 54 his wife should still be with him; 54 is young, too young to be a widower. My mom was 51 when she died, certainly WAY too young to die. As I've said before, my parents were high school sweethearts. Until my mom died, my dad had not been without my mom since he was 17 years-old. And things have really changed since 1968!

It just sucks! I feel like a little kid trying to figure out why someone doesn't 'like me.' I also now worry again about my dad. When he was with J., I knew he was enjoying himself and not alone. My dad's a loner like me. He was happy with his small family unit: my mom, brother's family and mine. Life was good. Why did it have to change? THAT I will never understand.