And Now There's Three Of Them

"Isn't it ironic? Don't you think? A little too ironic? Yah, I really do think" ---'Jagged Little Pill', Alanis Morisette--1995

I am incredibly tired, which shockingly happens when you go to bed past midnight only to wake at 5 AM to take hubby to have the BIG V. Just a sec., hubby needs his antibiotic and a piece of bread. Damn I am tired! I have three males to take care of for the next three days by myself. Vasectomy doctor asked who would be helping take care of the kids this weekend. I sheepishly raised my hand and told him I would be. He replied that I would have my hands full. Ya' think?!

Okay, I am back from my new duty as nurse-maid. Everything went well, which I expected it would. Turns out when you, meaning me, end up having everything stupid complication from surgeries that can possibly happen, you end up with an arsenal of good doctors. So hubby's urologist came highly recommended, BY ME. Yah, I have a regular urologist whom I see every year just like my gyno. It is always me, every elderly man in the area, and occasionally a few younger guys and I know exactly what they're there for. But I digress. I tend to be longer-winded and spell terribly when I am this freakin' tired! My point is I knew his doctor was good, and if I had any doubts, apparently he is THE doctor to go to for vasectomies as told to me by my neighbor. HE told hubby, me first, all there was to it. Just think talking about 'shaving' of an area that is private with your male neighbor. It's a good thing I went through infertility and thus have a very high threshold for embarressment.

Hubby was nervous, but I think he felt better when he had his very first IV put in, and when the doctor finally arrived; he was a bit late. The whole procedure took so little time that I was unable to finish the damn newspaper that I was so damn excited about being able to read front to back without being interrupted. I also brought two magazines and a book with me. Apparently, I was optimistic about the length of time this surgery was going to take! All I know is that for my laparoscopies, we were there forever and a damn day, and we had to drive to freakin' downtown Chicago to have it done. Picture being on the Stevenson PRIOR to it being repaved, after just having endometriosis either cut out of you or cauterzied, and THEN having another HSG and a hystoscopy too, and then having a surgical staff who has the audacity to tell you that REGULAR TYLENOL IS GOING TO TAKE THE PAIN AWAY!!! Yah, not so much. There is also a story to that surgery, but that's another entry. Obviously, for surgery #2 I went elsewhere, but still ended up having to drive over an hour to get to the surgical center.

So how long was the drive to hubby's place of shortest freakin' surgeries ever, you ask? Ten minutes. Hubby even said to me that he thought it was further down. Glad I stopped at the 7-Eleven as I definitely had the time to do it.

I am very happy with the care that hubby received, and I don't want it to seem as though I wanted hubby to be in any more pain than he should. I know that he did this for us, and he didn't have to. I have actually had men look at me like I am crazy for even suggesting that my hubby take this step. Hubby has said that he too has received this look when he has told other men about the procedure. Well, he has received THAT look or men who want to share every single detail of their vasectomies with him. I think it's the male version of childbirth stories. BTW, I certainly wish that hubby was not told about a man's infection that he received. He was up worrying about that last night. And guess what? His doctor gave him a prophylatic antibiotic so that that very thing would NOT happen. He does it with all his patients. Another thing he does with all of his patients? He gives them something that numbs the 'scrotal area' for 5-6 hours so the men don't feel any pain. I sure would have liked something to numb my vaginal area after my two laps.! Hey, how about you women who had vaginal births? Wouldn't YOU have liked to be given a drug that numbed the shit out of you so that for 5-6 hours post-birth you would not have felt any pain, but have been able to walk around and cuddle your newborn, and hey ENJOY the first moments of life. Another thing about hubby's awesome pain management was that he was prescribed Darvoset in case he needed it. I almost had to beg, plead and offer favors to get ten fucking Tylenol #3's with the lovely Codeine, and I had TWO incisions and had A LOT more work done. Yah.

Onto my last rant here. THOSE MEN. Those men who act as though I should kiss my husband's feet for being so self-less as to put his 'manparts' into jeopardy just to make sure I don't get pregnant again. This is my reply. (Caution as I swear a lot here, which is something I have avoided on my blog). Hey asshole, I went through two surgeries plus countless infertility treatments which involved LOTS of needles, as in over ONE-HUNDRED start to finish not including the blood draws, just so I could get pregnant and give my husband and I a family. And those surgeries do NOT include the two c-sections I endured so they could get the children out of me and into the world. I also had to beg for pain relief for THREE out of four of those surgeries, whereas in your simple vasectomy procedure you are given two different drugs without asking. Oh, and don't get me started on the whole carrying a child inside your body for ten months. Don't give me 9 months, it's ten, and by the end of it, you'll be begging your doctor to just get the damn kid out of me already I am so damn uncomfortable. End of rant.

If I sound a little angry, I'm really not. I'm a bit miffed by the difference my husband received in his care and pain management than what I received. He should have been treated the way he was. I am very happy with his doctor. I just wish that I was given the same care, and that all people had that positive of an experience.

Now onto the funny moment! Doctor H. to us,"Now you are to return for a sample in one month. (I tell both of you because it's usually the wife who takes care of these things). If that one is clear, then I'll have him return in another month. After two negatives, and TWO NEGATIVES ONLY are you clear. If you don't wait until then, you could end up with a third child." Do you think I should have told him about all the unprotected sex we've already had. Probaably not as I'm sure he and the nurses would have looked at us like 'then why the hell are you here anyway, and I was too tired to explain. I DO find it ironic that we were there for a vasectomy; we were with the fertile people. If you had told me 5 years ago we would have been doing this, I would never have believed you. Isn't it ironic, don't you think.