In my last post, it seemed like I was telling everyone that you could simply DO something to get yourself out of a true depression. That is not the case. I am on medication, attend therapy and exercise all in an attempt to keep my clinical depression at bay. Real depression, clinical depression is not something one can 'snap out of'. If I was not on my meds., in addition to everything else, there is no way I could have felt better so soon. There is no way I could have even made it out of bed. I did not want to trivialize true depression. Feeling down, really down, isn't even the same thing. When I feel down, I can attempt to do something that I know would make me feel better. When my depression was untreated, there was no way in hell I could have made it to the gym. There is no way I would have even wanted to.
Yesterday, I felt even worse than I had the day before. I was hours late in taking my meds., no caffeine, and I slept late. Like until 1PM late. Yah. Not like me. When I fear that the black cloud, the hole, is coming I need to DO something. I get so scared that I may have to battle the depression again. Whenever I am feeling that level of anxiety, I clean. Not like a normal cleaning. I spend HOURS at it even though the cleaning lady was just here. I vacuumed, dusted and washed the playroom's colorful foam floor. I vacuumed every carpeted surface in this house. Sheets were changed on everyone's bed. I applied so many layers of Quick Shine to the wood floors, that I am surprised that no one slipped and fell today.
Today, Hubby came home to find all of the Christmas stuff gone. The tree, stockings, incidentals--all gone. As my older son said, "It took a long time. It was hard." I also made a trip to Target with the boys. See, I keep myself so busy that I can't even think about anything. And guess what? Today was better. I don't know how tomorrow will be, but I am going to try to be positive. That, and have a list handy of things that need to be cleaned. Who knows, maybe I"ll dust behind the bed and under the dressers. Oh, the fun I'll have!
4 comments:
I do the same thing.
Clean.
Staying BUSY is the key for me.
Bev, we're so alike it's scary!
(Although, I'm just getting around to taking down the Christmas stuff today... I usually take it down the day after Christmas! I'm such a scrooge.)
Any of you live in MI? My house could use a good, thorough cleaning AND the Christmas decorations need to be taken down and put away. Think of all the fun you'd have, a different house to clean, new decorations to put away!!
Kidding aside (although I was kind of serious!), Bev, I think it's great that you pointed out how there's no magic cure for depression. Can't just take a pill and be "cured". It can't be easy to battle it all the time, especially with two little ones. Keep doing what you need to do!!
Island girl--so glad to hear that someone else needs to stay busy!
Kate, you KNOW we are alike! If I didn't keep hearing about weather-related things happening in Washington, I'd have to catch a plane and visit you! It'd be nice to be with someone who 'gets' me. (BTW, I saw on the t.v. today that now you're encountering mudslides! WTF? Weren't you moving there for BETTER weather:)
Colleen--thanks for the support. I know it's not easy to understand depression, but I thank you for trying.
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