Mama

Yesterday was the fourth anniversary of my mom's death. How did we commemorate the occasion? We had lunch with Hubby's sister who was in town. The boys and I haven't seen her since February 06'. Remember, she is the one who is pregnant with 'identical' twins. No fertility treatments folks. And she says to me,"I only wanted one." Some of us would have been happy with whatever we got. We know how hard conceiving a child can be. It's funny how it works that way, huh? She also emphatically told me that she is going back to work. Okay. Never said you weren't. Actually, it was a brief, but nice visit. Except that her husband dropped her off. He still won't see the boys. Even my SIL said that Hubby's parents were being extra nice to him. So fine, we are the bad guys. Nothing new there. It just makes me wonder how supportive he'll be when the babies are born and something doesn't go the way he'd like it too. I mean if you can't be supportive of your wife's desire to see her brother and nephews, a small thing in comparison, how supportive will he be in the raising of twins? I mean if you have even one child you can imagine how incredibly daunting the care of twins will be. I can't imagine having two newborns at once, and I can't imagine even having had one child at a time without the wonderful support of my husband. What's your opinion on this?

Back to my mom. After we had lunch we picked out flowers for my mom's grave. Hubby was so great. He took the boys away from the grave so that I could have some time alone. I needed that. In past years I have been fine. No tears. This year, however, the entire month of April has been rough. I don't get it. I cried the whole time I was there. Not sobs, but I still cried. Of course, I made my usual joke when in an uncomfortable position. I was wearing my Sevens, and I said to my mom,"Yes, I am wearing a $150 pair of jeans while I sit in the grass." That was a throwback to my days of wanting Guess jeans. Some of you may remember them. They had the zippers on the ankles. Oh, how I had wanted those jeans! Her response was,"I don't even spend fifty dollars on a pair of jeans for myself!" She thought it was ridiculous paying that much money for a pair of jeans. I'm sure she would have had a field day with my new jeans! I did get that pair of jeans. I babysat until I had enough money to buy them myself. Anyway, I put the flowers in the vase that is attached to her grave, and walked back to the car.

My oldest son said perhaps the most beautiful and helpful thing to me as I got into the car. He said,"I bet your mama, Grandma Debbie who's in heaven with God, loved the flowers." Doesn't sound like much, does it? To me, hearing my little boy talk about a grandmother he never met, knowing finally that she was my mother and that I am sad because she's not here. Well, that meant the world to me, and I smiled the first real smile I had all day. My mother was right. Your kids get you through. Your kids really do get you through.