I cannot believe it, but today the temperature only got into the 20's. To say that I am sick of winter would be an understatement. I think we midwesterners have put our time in; it's now our turn for spring. It is sad when I tell my brother that I would be happy for the weather to be in the 40's! It was so cold today, the windchill made it feel like 10 degrees, that after my Bible Study class we just went home. It was just too cold to do anything else.
I am really getting claustrophobic! I have graduated from 'cabin fever' to that. I DO go out. I think sometimes I have too much planned. I know myself, though. The only 'cure' is to go out and tomorrow we will. We will brave the elements again. I will try to pretend it's warm out. I will ignore the snow on the ground. I hope there's sun.
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On another note, I cleaned out what was left in my childhood desk and nightstand. Jeff has to give up an office, and I have to give up some furniture. I promised Jeff that I would sort through what was left in the drawers and I did. I found some really cool things that I didn't realize I saved. Like the listing and picture we received when we were looking at our house. Upon reading it, I realized there was a few discrepancies, or out and out LIES. Like the oak cabinetry in the kitchen. Uh, no people. It was formica. We have since gutted the kitchen. It was so ugly I cannot even explain it to you! Or the beautiful stained glass cabinet windows; more like 1960 hippy colored glass. YUCK! Or the gas fireplace. I do not know what these people were smoking when they wrote this, but there isn't a gas hook-up. It is totally wood-burning. Oh, and I love the custom mirrored-glass behind the built-in bookcases. It wasn't custom. It was instead squares of mirrored-glass you buy at Home Depot and stick up with tape. For the record, those are now gone too. Even the age of the house was wrong. I lived in the area when these houses were built, so I had a pretty good idea of when they were built. And if there was any doubt of my impressive memory abilities, the furnace and water-heater gave it away. That's OK, though. We love our house; now that we have remodeled everything anyway.
I also had to go through what I called 'The Endometriosis, Infertility, and Miscarriage Drawer'. I will be honest here. I threw EVERYTHING out and it felt so, so good! I had three RE's in the whole time we have dealt with infertility, and all of the information from each one of them was in there. 'Good-bye Dr. M, Good-bye Advanced Re*roductive--you fuckers, Good-bye Dr.S. I don't need you anymore. It was not fun, I didn't enjoy all the procedures, and two out of three of you were just plain asses. Talk to me, listen to ME, Dr. M, not my husband! I am the one with the uterus, not him. So condescending. And Advanced Re*productive, fuck you for calling me at work to tell me I was miscarrying. Don't you have an ounce of compassion?! And even Dr.S, whom I mainly love and who has helped give me my two beautiful boys, be THERE! Stop taking so many damn vacations. I pay good money for your expertise, not your nurse's. And do NOT call me at 7PM to tell me I'm not pregnant. That was awful. Your nurse told me it was because you were vacationing on some island and she couldn't reach you. I'm sure you were drinking a pina colada on my uninsured dime. Wish I could have taken a vacation that year. Instead I am sure I allowed your wife the pleasure of paying CASH for her Lex*s SUV, while my husband and I drive Hond*s.
I cannot tell you how good it felt to throw all of those bad memories away. I even had my old 'charts' saved back from when I thought we could get pregnant on our own. I hope I didn't jinx myself by doing any of this; you know I STILL can't get rid if my meds., but I felt I needed to cleanse my soul, so to speak. Get rid of the old and negative and start living a new, more positive life. One thing that did make me laugh, however, was my son pretending to read through my "Grieving After Your Miscarriage' book. What a true blessing that child is. He is what has made this all bearable and all worth it. What a guy!
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