Monday, January 03, 2005

Happy to be back in the groove

Winter is officially with us as we have a freezing rain/winter snow advisory in effect. The last few days have been in the fifties with rain. My grass is turning green again; it's just not natural. I am not a fan of cold weather, but I know it is normal for this time of the year. I just 'grin and bear it'. Wait for it to be over, which it will be in March or April, or maybe May this year. Anyway, when you live in Chicago you know winter is bound to find you at some point.

I am so happy that our routine is now back to normal. Steve does better with a routine, and I must admit, so do I. Tomorrow we are back to tumbling class at My Gym Fitness Center. It's a bit pricey in my opinion, but Steve loves it and so do I. The staff is so friendly, and the turnover rate is pretty low. Plus, it is always clean, and being a germ-a-phobe, I really appreciate that! Then Wednesday we have my Women's Coffee Break Class which offers child-care, so I really look forward to that hour every week. On Thursday we have the BIG ultrasound, and Friday my friend is having a playdate. I love being busy, and it certainly has made the pregnancy go by a lot faster. Funny thing is before I had children I would just about gag every time I heard the word 'playdate'. I mean how yuppy does that sound? I pictured women in their perfectly coifed hairdos talking about their homes, cars, and husbands. The soccer mom stereotype. Now, I start salivating anytime getting together for a playdate is mentioned. I also take pride in dressing my son up in nice clothes. They used to be all Gap, but now I have found that I love Carters and save buying Gap for when they have a sale and I have a coupon. My house is organized, for the most part, clothes washed. Hell, I even planted a flower garden this year and I actually didn't kill anything! I also have started cooking real dinners two-three days a week. Anyone who knows me is currently laughing their butts off, because I am/was so NOT domestic. Anything domestic would bore me to tears. I would like to say I have changed just so I could be the best mother I can be to Steve, but that's not entirely true. Ever since my mom has died, I have switched into perfection mode. I keep myself insanely busy, and I am pretty sure I do this so I don't have time to think about her not being here with me. If I worked, I am sure I would be doing this there. Plus, I have put her on a pedestal as being the 'perfect mom', and I want to be just like her. We always were dressed nicely, particularly when we were babies/toddlers. She always cooked dinner EVERY night, the laundry was always done and folded AND put away the same day. She was always there for us, even when she went back to work. Oh, and our house was always clean. So I figure if I do this, she must being looking down on me thinking how proud she is of me.

Ahhh...but no one is perfect. I know when this baby is born, I am going to have a really hard time dealing with the fact that my routine will be shot to hell, and there is no way to do everything perfectly especially with two kids. I need to set my standards lower. The ironic thing about me trying to be a perfect wife/mother/human being is that I do not expect this of others. I tell friends all the time that no one is judging them, and they should just do their best. What more can you do? And I believe this. I just hope I can actually put my money where my mouth is.

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