Ah, what Jeff and I talk about over dinner these days! I should probably offer a little background info. here. I believe I have mentioned that my mom died of breast cancer. She had two close friends, 'The Three Muskateers', who also had it. Only one remains. Another of her friends is currently at home with hospice as her battle with ovarian cancer is ending. Back in October, my SIL's sister Laura, was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 37. Her youngest sister was diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago at the tender age of 31. She has been cancer-free for two years now. Laura is now undergoing 6 months of chemotherapy. She is being treated very aggressively due to her age and family history. My brother is very concerned abou this wife, being she is the only sister to not be diagnosed as well as the fact that he just lost his mother a year and a half ago. Now one of the secretary's at Jeff's work's husband, has been diagnosed with a rare form of Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma at the age of 50. The 5 year survival rate is low. Anyhow, now that I've depressed you, let me get to the point of Jeff's comment.
With all the new diagnosis of cancer, we are starting to think again. When going through infertility treatments I could kind-of block it out. And I don't dwell on statistics, as I've said before, who knows what will happen? But my husband asked me during dinner that poignant question,"When can you have another mammogram?" And you know what, I don't know. I really don't. I don't know how soon after giving birth I could have one. For the record, I'm not going to breast-feed, so that's not an issue here. Then Jeff said, "Well, we pumped you up with all those hormones (infertility treatments)." I then reminded him that we felt that the benefits outweighed the risks. We weren't going to not try to have another baby because I MIGHT get cancer some day. I will not live my life according to 'what if's'. I also cited that I could get breast cancer anyway, and I would like Steve to have the support of a sibling, like I have. Plain and simple. Did I put my life on the line by undergoing a year of infertility treatments? Maybe, but moms put their lives on the line every day for their kids. I'm no different.
Today I went to my OB appointment. All is well, but the baby is laying very low. He didn't have to tell me that! Anyway, I wore my pink bracelet to show my support of my mom and all breast cancer patients. I don't wear it all that often since it gets in my way of taking care of Steve, but today I wanted to wear it to remind the doctors not to forget my mom. Let me explain. The OB/GYN practice I go to, and have for years, is the same one my mom went to. They are the ones she went to when she felt a lump in her breast. They told her to immediately come in so they could look at it. Well, Dr. B. really felt it was nothing and told my mom to come back in a few months if it was still there or painful. Guess what, it was still there, it got bigger, and it became painful. Mom called, and they saw her again. He still felt it was nothing, but sent her to have a mammo. anyway. The mammo. was inconclusive, and the radiologist said she could wait 6 months, or have a biopsy. He was leaning towards waiting. My mom said no. She wanted it to be biopsied. So New Year's Eve, she had a biopsy. We found out a few days later that it was cancer. All I thought of was death. I never knew anyone who survived cancer. I was scared, shocked, numb.
A few weeks later, she had a masectomy. We found out more bad news. The cancer was in 8 lymph nodes, and was staged at between 2 and 3 out of 4. Not good. She was so upset for obvious reasons, but she seemed particularly upset about it being only 7 months before my wedding. She worried about me, since she must be ruining what was supposed to be the happiest time of my life, she worried about not being able to help me much . She worried about how she'd look at my wedding since she might lose all of her hair. By the way, my mom had beautiful THICK hair, she did not need to wear a wig at all. I just teased her that now she had the same thin hair that I've had to deal with all my life! I told her, things would work out, and I just wanted her there at my wedding. That would be her gift to me. She ended up finishing chemo. 2 weeks before my wedding, and she WAS there. I never had any doubts about that. Talk about a detemined lady. That was my mom. She wouldn't have missed my wedding for the world. She did end up in the hospital a few days later. She had an infection her body couldn't fight due to the chemo. weakening her immune system.
So you're probably wondering why I would ever go back to this doctor, much less let him deliver my child? Or why my mom didn't sue? Well, this is the reason. Dr. B. came up to see my mom in the hospital. He came and apologized, he said he really felt that it wasn't cancer. It was obviously a sincere apology. Also, by admitting blame, my mom could have definitely won a lawsuit. He also immediatley changed his policy. Now all lumps are biopsied, no matter what. So basically, my mom and my whole family just wanted an admission that he was wrong and that he was sorry about it. We got that. We also wanted to make sure this never happened to anyone else, and it hasn't, he changed that policy. We did not verbalize these wishes to him; he just did it. My mom often asked,"What good would suing him do? I don't want to spend whatever time I have left in court." That was my mom. I, however, was very angry at Dr. B. for a long time. After I worked through my anger I started to believe like she did. I forgave him, and it was very freeing.
Here is a poem my mom's best friend read at her funeral. I believe anyone who has ever lost a loved one can relate.
God saw her getting tired
and a cure was not to be,
so he put His arm around her
and whispered, "Come with me."
With tearful eyes we watched her suffer,
and saw her fade away;
Although we loved her dearly,
we could not make her stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
her hands were put to rest;
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the BEST.
No one forget my mom, hear that Dr.B?!
Mom, I will never forget you, and I will make sure no one else does either. You did not die in vain. You live on in my heart every day. You made me the mother and wife I am now. Until we meet again, I love you. Oh, and say hi to Johnny for me!
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