I just lost my original post; not happy about that! So now I will write the shortened version, so Jeff can balance the checkbook in here.
Things have been busy here lately. I finally bought Steve's bedding, a cute baseball quilt set that matches his room perfectly. I am so happy about that! I also had the carpets cleaned, and the painter over for an estimate for the nursery. I finally feel like I am getting stuff done.
I made a mistake this weekend, though. I went into Pottery Barn Kids, and looked at their new line for girls. As I was doing that I saw a mom with her twin girls picking out bedding and furniture. It was so cute! It hit me then---HARD. I will never have that. No pink bedding to pick out, no frilly dresses, no dolls. Zip. Nada. Nothing. What hurt the most was realizing that I will never have that mother/daughter relationship again. That's over. I feel so guilty for even feeling this way, or writing it down. I am so happy for two healthy boys, believe me. I guess I'm just mourning the loss of a lifelong dream. I'll get over it.
2 comments:
Bev,
Hey. I fully understand your post. I have difficult times too when I see things. I never had the mother/daughter bond so, just because you have a daughter doesn't mean your bonding. You know what I mean. It still hurts though. THe thing that hurt me the most is my mom was so rude so many times, she was down right hateful when I was planning my wedding. And when I moved to NC - she'd call to fight with me.
So, NC was my escape from my family. Way too much Drama. So. I don't know why I'm posting this but I feel like I should reassure you. You can be bonded with your son's though. The thing I envy is brohterly love. My brothers fight all the time and they are grown men.
Right now, I hate work. I just cannot beleive I can get myself there in the morning. I've had a hard time adjusting since the holidays. I went to the dr last night and upped my paxil. He indicaited that I"m not showing signs of improving, therefore in 2 weeks i may have to take two antidepressants. This isn't what I signed up for. I'm kinda baffeled or in denial, just not sure which one. I hope the increase in paxil works, because I've been taking it faithfully. Evenhtough these appointments are costing me a fortune.
Well thanks for reading this.
Jenn
Also, I wish we lived near you, I'd lone you Chloe to bond with. She's quite the talker. I really need to TTC a sibling for her so she can talk to the baby.
I'd love to have Chloe to bond with! Ah..maybe someday, especially with the weather you have! I am jealous!
You know I had to have my Paxil upped 2 times. I felt better for a little while on 25mg. Then I don't know what happened, but let's just say 25 was not working and I was getting frustrated and scared, and pissed off! I was so sick of going to the doctor! So give the upped dose a try, and do not feel bad about needing it. I go in a week and a half to the OB, and I am going to ask him to put my dose back up. I am feeling anxious and stressed again; I don't like it one bit! UGH! Isn't depression FABULOUS!!!
Bev
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